First date mistakes

A list of worst first date mistakes has recently been compiled. Opinion asked a few writers to share their experiences with us.

I’m in theatre, Darling! – by Éponine’s Understudy

The worst mistake you can make on a date is to lie. Fabricating a lifestyle can prove to be very entertaining, especially if you’re not looking for any commitment, but it can pan out horribly, horribly wrong.

Once, on a night out in Mahiki (a very posh, very rich nightclub in London) I got talking to an extremely attractive guy at the bar and we ended up sitting in a booth and talking for ages. He began reeling off facts about his amazing life, from his famous friends to his successful job as a property developer. So when it came to my life story, rather than telling him the truth, that I was a penniless student who’s jet setting lifestyle went as far as an all inclusive to Magaluf, I told him that I was a successful musical theatre performer.

It’d always been a dream of mine to be in the musical Les Miserables, and as I’d seen it in the West End about ten times already, I felt well equipped enough to pretend that I was a member of the chorus. Oh, but I hadn’t prepared myself for the shocked face that greeted me. The guy’s brother just so happened to be one of the choreographer’s for the show and he knew a lot of the cast and started reeling off names and asking me whether I liked them or not… I panicked, and the drunker I got the more I wanted to convince him of my budding musical theatre career. So my worst date ever ended up me serenading this poor bloke in the middle of a nightclub with my rendition of ‘I Dreamed a Dream.’ Let’s just say – we most definitely did not swap numbers.

Like watching paint dry – by A Bored Man

What’s the worst mistake you can make on a first date? It comes in two parts. The first is being painfully please-let-it-end boring. The second is not realising that listening to you is the aural equivalent of watching paint dry.

I ended up on a date with a girl who upon first inspection was quite a catch. I thought to myself: ‘I’ve done alright here’. She was pretty, friendly, we seemed to have things in common. Unfortunately I fell for the age old trick of having a friend telling me how ‘absolutely lovely and beautiful’ her best friend was. Men, beware, rarely is this true. In my desperate dry patch I didn’t even see the warning signs when this girl was described to me as ‘bubbly’ – a word which, in reality, invariably means either ‘chubby’ or ‘more boring than a plain cheese sandwich’.

I lied earlier, the worst thing you can do actually comes in three parts – the third being that you don’t shut up about the epically mundane existence known as your “life”. When I’d nearly reached the end of my meal and my date had hardly begun to munch her way through hers, I knew things wouldn’t work out. The only way to shut her up was to kiss her, and hope that she was a better kisser than she was storyteller.

Sadly I proceeded to drown in a sea of saliva, and thus discovered that bad kissing is the second worst mistake you can make on a date.