Welcome to Costa del Cathays

Jemima Walker looks at the startling effects the sun has upon Cathays

Costa del Cathays, and we’re reaching highs of… Well, 14 degrees. At best. As the sun comes out and the aroma of warm bins wafts through the streets, Cathays seems to undergo some bizarre transformation, with some equally bizarre behaviour to match…

If you weren’t already aware of the moderate temperatures outside your bedroom window, you need only turn to Facebook. The sun comes out, and the already avid status updater and picture uploader goes into overdrive. This is great for them, what better way to let everyone know what an absolutely, brilliantly fantastic day you’re having!? Because, you know, it’s not like they’re almost definitely doing exactly the same thing as you… By early afternoon your newsfeed is saturated with instagrammed photographs of their #BBQ in the #park with their #friends because its #summer… #morons.

The most baffling thing about the ‘summer’ (sorry, #summer) is the outfits which seem to appear, which people really seem to think are kosher. Largely, they’re offensive. Firstly, an obvious gripe, flip-flops. Yes, rugby players/ males involved in similar other testosterone driven team sports, I’m looking at you. You, and your hairy little toes. For nearly all of this year, your feet have been cocooned in your socks. They’ve seen little to no sun, and you’ve developed a minor vitamin D deficiency. Your toenails are looking yellow, a little soft, and we’d all like you to put them away.

This talk of toes leads me on to one of life’s greatest problems (providing, of course, you have the good grace to refrain from wearing flip-flops)… You’ve put your trainers on, (maybe your deck-shoes, if thats what you’re into), and you’re faced with the age old ‘sock, no sock’ dilemma. A real nightmare. Aesthetically, the answer is no, you don’t wear them. But your feet are going to get really sweaty. Blisters will happen, and frankly, having been wrapped up in your jeans all year, your ankles aren’t looking their best. You put them on, and comfort is greatly improved. But, you run the risk of looking like a bit of a dork. You will look like a total dork. Maybe the rugby players are on to something…? No, they’re not.

Aside from footwear, I take issue with vests. Example a) A man in the library who had taken the baffling decision to wear a vest emblazoned with ‘TUBING VANG VIENG’. Vest in Wales? No. Vest in library? Absolutely not. TUBING vest in library?! Someone help him. Migrate to the park, and people seem to forget why they needed their vests in the first place. As footballs and disposable BBQ’s come out, so do an army of dazzlingly white chests and stomachs which have been kept in the dark for far too long. Ladies, on the other hand, seem generally to have opted for their bikinis. To where are you swimming? I assume you’re planning on taking a quick dip in the Taf? Enjoy getting polio.

People LOVE beer gardens, and I get that. Beer gardens are nice. So is sitting in your actual garden, if you have one of them. Many on the other hand, do not have gardens, and choose to take literally all the furniture in the house, outside the house. It is here that they sit and bask in the sun, amongst their pungent bins. Please don’t do this. It’s not nice, and you look weird. For today, everyone will continue to bulk buy burgers from Sainsbury’s as if cows are going out of fashion.I hope you’re hungry… Forecast is rain tomorrow.

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