Do you get angry at being called a ‘grinch’ because it reminds you of that awful day we spend four months building up to? Are you sick of being force-fed Mariah Carey on the radio and desperately want everybody to just give you a bit of space? You’ve come to the right place. Fold this side of the page and ignore the sickening positivity next door. You know you want to. Let me talk you through some handy tips to crush the Christmas spirit.
Firstly, decorations. In a student house it can be rather difficult to fight back against your housemates if they are all fans of the holiday period. Thankfully you have your bedroom as a place of sanctuary. Then there’s the bathroom. Who puts decorations in the bathroom? Invest in a pair of sunglasses to fight the glare from the garish bits and pieces dotted around your kitchen as you sneak in with the lights off to grab your biscuits and leave. Get your shiny balls away from me.
Avoid the city centre, or, as a matter of fact, anywhere that has a collection of shops in one place. There’ll be panicked men and women diving in and out of each store with greater terror the fewer number of days they have left to make sure they bought their child enough Frozen merchandise to stop them screaming in public. Who needs that in their life? Look at online shopping for food deliveries too. Stay in your hidey-hole and hibernate until January 1st, when you watch the same people posting Christmas videos on Facebook in July staggering outside and wondering what to do with themselves.
Television and any form of media will be a big loss, but they’re vital for your success over Christmas to be fully recognised. Adverts are the incarnation of the devil. Iceland festive bonanzas advertised by Peter Andre? Didn’t see it. John Lewis tugging at your heartstrings hoping that a few pennies will fall out your tear ducts? Not today. Social media is optional, but if you choose to remain active on the Facebooks and Twitters out there, make sure to remove or hide your friends who are fans of this nasty stuff.
So where are we at? The world goes mad every Autumn and Winter (if not Summer) to build up to one day a year that’s always a disappointment. Without fail. It’s tough to hide away from, but it’s worth it. Either that or practice mindfulness to try and make peace with it. Who am I kidding? Revel in your grumpiness and look forward to the Boxing Day fixtures.