Spotlight

Coming Out of Your Hometown

Why does it seem like so many people come out while at university? A new social circle and a fresh start can mean that people become less apprehensive about other peopleÔÇÖs reactions, whilst also having the opportunity to build more queer friendships and relationships. As I was entering my first year, I would probably describe my situation as having one foot in the closet and the other out. Ever since I first came to the conclusion that I was a lesbian, I had started planning my so-called coming out.

For many LGBTQ+ youth, including myself, starting university represents a chance to start over like no other. For me, the move to university was the light at the end of the tunnel. The prospect of new friends, new people to surround yourself with and even the distance from parents can seem so liberating when youÔÇÖve been stuck in the closet throughout adolescence. To me, it also meant finally catching up on all those big teenage romance milestones you miss out on while in the closet.

Coming out at university felt safer than in the confines of my all-knowing hometown. I had always planned to come out once I had ÔÇÿflown the nestÔÇÖ, as I was still somewhat apprehensive about my familyÔÇÖs reaction. Unfortunately, a few weeks before my methodical plan to come out was to be unfolded, one too many pina coladas got the better of me and I blurted out my sexual orientation. This meant that when I arrived at university shortly after, I did not bother with the pretences. I was out to anyone who needed to know in my life. Like so many other students, I was determined to make these formative years of early adulthood the best they could possibly be. However, the one thing you donÔÇÖt realise while youÔÇÖre still in the closet is that youÔÇÖre going to have to come out over, and over, and over again.

Now, the cycle of coming out is never-ending. Practically every time you meet someone new, whether it be a friend, a potential partner, or your neighbour, at some point the topic comes up in conversation. Coming out is a practice, a habit that gets easier every time you do it. IÔÇÖm not telling anyone when, or how, or even if to come out: because it’s the most personal journey anyone could go on. But, for me and many others, coming out at Uni was one of the best decisions I could have made.

Words by Johanna Von Seehausen Uhl

 Despite staying in my home city, going to university still gave me that sense of freedom and safety that encouraged me to come out to both my uni and home communities. ItÔÇÖs not as simple as the distance making it easier to come out, itÔÇÖs much more about the people you meet. If you meet like minded, kind, welcoming people then of course you are more likely to feel safe enough to be yourself, or maybe even discover new parts of yourself. 

In my experience, the people I had around me at the start of my second year of university were incredibly affirming of my identity, and, at times, knew me better than I knew myself. The time and space that they provided gave me the chance to become comfortable and confident in my identity before I broached coming out to my home community. 

Even now that I have come out as non-binary to everyone in my life, it is not always respected or acknowledged by all of the people I interact with. This makes me value and appreciate the support of my friends at uni even more. They have never made me feel difficult for changing my pronouns or questioned it. Coming home to my housemates is incredibly affirming; they have always, wholeheartedly supported and laughed with me. It is a highlight of my day when I watch them try to come up with a gender neutral equivalent to something, and we get to laugh at all of the most ridiculous options they could think of. 

To anyone thinking of coming out at uni, it is absolutely worth it! I know how scary and stressful it can be, but building that community of people who know and love you completely is so important. Having somewhere you can be entirely and openly yourself is invaluable in a world that doesnÔÇÖt always accept us. 

Words by Freya Johns