The term FOMO, or fear of missing out, is ÔÇÿdefined as a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absentÔǪ characterized by the desire to stay continually connected with what others are doingÔÇÖ, according to an actual scientific study done on the phenomenon. Social media makes it difficult to ignore the lives others are leading, and I felt like this ignorance became increasingly difficult when I was greeted by thousands of videos on my friendsÔÇÖ stories whenever I opened Snapchat. Consequently, in order to ensure that I never missed the clearly amazing events that those around me were attending, I decided to just go to everything. I have this incredibly specific concern that the events I say no to will end up being filled with the most exciting drama and that the event attendees will end up with their lives permanently changed. In my first year, my FOMO led to my classmates assuming that my voice was a permanent husk and my face genuinely always that pale (I am pale, but not to the extent of a hangover induced pallor). Last year was a welcome break from my inability to say no to social events, but as we head toward the end of the first term, I am remembering why my friends and I were constantly run down.
The problem with FOMO is that you ultimately donÔÇÖt have your life irrevocably changed in some astonishing way when you do rock up to every conceivable night out and social you can. I canÔÇÖt say that going to YOLO has led to anything big but a bad hangover and a lot of regret, particularly in relation to any flavour of VK. Instead of feeling complete, free of FOMO ever again, and entirely secure in myself when I went out; I’d end up tired, anxious, and dissatisfied with the night before. According to that scientific study IÔÇÖd mentioned before, FOMO was associated with ÔÇÿlower need satisfaction, mood and life satisfaction.ÔÇÖ The belief IÔÇÖd held that attending every social event was necessary for my happiness is an irrational, but pervasive, one.
IÔÇÖd love to come out of this article having imparted my wisdom, like one of those Wellness social media influencers who will tell you that IÔÇÖve been through it before, and you too can achieve happiness just like me! but, in much the same way that those Wellness social media influencers are, if I did that, IÔÇÖd be lying. ThereÔÇÖs no special tea to treat your FOMO related anxiety or, at least, none that IÔÇÖm aware of, and I havenÔÇÖt yet figured out how to avoid that pang of desire to be where the action is. So I decided that I would go onto the internet and try to find some ways to help that seem vaguely logical. TimeÔÇÖs article on FOMO is a disparaging critique of social media. The 2016 article argues that social media is both the ÔÇÿcreator and the cure of FOMOÔÇÖ, but unfortunately the solution seems to be to avoid social media (and Facebook in particular), so I suppose all IÔÇÖve really learnt from that is that the person who wrote it was probably over the age of thirty. Other articles I looked at held a similar view, and there was a lot more said to criticise social media than there was any kind of coherent solution.
Sometimes it’s okay to put your mental and physical health first, and know that the events you do go on, you’ll enjoy much more
There is, however, a general consensus that FOMO is directly related to feelings of insecurity or sadness. When removing social media from our lives isnÔÇÖt realistically an option, what can we do to evade those feelings of jealousy or desire to go out? In my first year of university, the only thing that managed to stop me from going to every event I could was complete burnout, which manifested in the form of a persistent Freshers’ flu. Freshers’ flu, according to Save The Student, is basically an amalgamation of everything we view as normal and exciting in the first few weeks of uni: nights out (or lack of sleep); junk food; alcohol; meeting new people from across the country; and finally, the stress of doing all of those things instead of uni work. The endless cycle of catching up on my social life and uni work after being ill pretty much meant that I never escaped Freshers’ flu till I was at home for a solid month, and I’m sure that this is an experience a lot of students can relate to.
For me, the trick was to recognise what I valued the most, and try not to take that for granted. If there is a night out, but my partner wants to be with me at home, then I want to try to be present and enjoy my time with her, rather than focusing on what is going on outside of our time together. At times I have been invited out after a really long day, and itÔÇÖs been difficult to say no, even when IÔÇÖd need to chug a 6-pack of energy drink just to make it to the pres. When IÔÇÖve said no to the night out, that initial FOMO has eventually worn off and given way to enjoying my own time and resting. I also wish that I’d realised the value of meeting friends sober, rather than letting a lack of confidence stop me. After this dystopian year I managed to get to know friends outside of a drinking setting, avoiding the sacrifice of my health and building memories outside of the women’s toilets in the club. The FOMO never quite goes away, because there will always be someone doing something when I’m not, but at least I know that sometimes it’s okay to put your mental and physical health first, and know that the events you do go on, you’ll enjoy much more.
