Badvice – How to be single

Alone on Valentines Day Photo credit: Lenore Edman via Flickr

I know I’m supposed to be giving you bad advice here guys, but honestly this one may actually turn out to be pretty useful. Being the only one out of my friendship group who knows how to communicate with people of the opposite sex without having a verbal breakdown, my friends often ask me what it takes to get someone to date you. My reply most of the time is, “don’t do it. Being in a relationship is horrible.”

Ironically, I write this just days after celebrating my 2-year anniversary with my boyfriend. However, at this current moment in time, it’s close to midnight and he’s fallen asleep in the middle of my bed and won’t wake up no matter how much noise I make or how hard I shake him. So I’m not exactly his biggest fan right now.

You see if you were single, you wouldn’t have to worry about miniscule things, such as sharing a duvet with someone or having to put the toilet seat back down/up after your partner. Being single is the way to go and I truly believe that.

Although you would think it would be easy to be and stay single, it’s not as simple as you’d think. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’m sure most of you are craving for nothing more than to cuddle up with your someone special and binge watch an entire Netflix series but it’s important that you don’t let yourself be tempted by all the romance in the air.

In this day and age, university students are as thirsty as ever and with almost everyone having a wonderful little app called ‘Tinder’ on their phones, it’s really not that hard to find someone to fill that void you think you have in your heart.

The key to staying single however, is by making yourself as unattractive and unavailable as you possibly can. Have a date? Turn up in your sweat pants and make sure you don’t brush your teeth that morning. Think someone is trying to chat you up? Pretend you don’t speak English. Get asked out? Run away.

There will always be more cons then pros when it comes to getting in to a relationship and you know it. Enjoy your single life to the fullest and truly spoil yourself because, if you follow my advice, you won’t ever have anyone to spoil.

And alas, Ladies and Gentlemen, the key to having a long and happy life is staying single. I know you all must have seen those articles written by people who live to be 110+ and thank their single life entirely for it. Being single is good for almost every aspect of your life, including your skin and hey, it’s also super nice to your bank account.

So, don’t do it. Don’t get tempted, even when Cupid shoots an arrow at your heart. Focus on yourself, your education and your future. You’ll thank me one day.

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