Badvice: How to pass first year without actually going to lectures

Lecture Hall Source: Wokandapix (via Pixabay)

In my honest opinion, first year is a bit pointless from an academic point of view. You’re basically paying a whopping 9K to spend your mornings recovering from the results of last nights outing to Pryzm and I guarantee you’ll leave over 95% of your lectures in the 5 minute break to go sit in the SU and listen to your mate tell you about the lad she met last night from Cardiff Met. I think overall, I probably went to 1 in 10 lectures in first year and somehow, I still shockingly managed to pass.

The first year of University is basically a chance for you to get to grips with your new home and increase your alcohol tolerance. I guarantee, most of you will still manage to continue on to second year despite the fact that you started most of your essays just 12 hours before the submission deadline and were slightly tipsy. I even had one friend who turned up to an exam drunk and still managed to come out of it with 98%. Although at this point the key to passing seems like it would be alcohol, it’s a lot simpler and less damaging to your body. Keeping on top of your emails is essential to making sure you don’t miss the rare lectures that you actually need to attend or change of any deadlines.

You might also want to cozy up to that one person who always attends lectures and bombard them on Facebook with questions because you had a ‘cold’ and couldn’t ‘leave your bed all weekend.’ It’ll most likely be that one mature student in your whole year group and who also without fail, sticks their hand up at the end of every lecture when your professor asks if ‘anyone has any questions?’ which everyone clearly knows means, ‘you can start packing your bag and get the hell out of here so I can start making my way down to the pub.’

You’ve probably gathered by now, attending lectures and seminars really aren’t important. We live in 2017 people, everything is available at the click of a button so really, I mean it when I say you don’t need to go to those 9AM lectures on a cold Wednesday morning for a whole year.

It’s clearly not hard to pass all your modules in first year, I mean you did manage to make it in to a Russell Group University so most of you could probably make it through in your sleep or alternatively with the aid of coffee and lots of last minute planning. So see this as an opportunity to spend your entire maintenance loan on cheap Tesco branded booze and cheesy chips from the Family Fish bar and put yourself in an alarming amount of debt for no reason.

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