Badvice – How to steal your housemates stuff without getting caught.

Photo credit: Neil Turner (via Flickr)

It’s got to that point in the year where you know your new housemates well enough to start stealing their stuff, but to avoid house drama, here are some tips to make sure you never get caught.

Firstly, it might help by identifying which housemate actually has the most useful stuff. I had a housemate in first year who’s kitchen cabinets were forever stocked up with crockery, cutlery and utensils that went untouched. Her colander became everyone’s best friend and I won’t lie, I still have it despite the fact that I haven’t spoken to her in two years (if you’re reading this, I’m sorry).

You’re also bound to have a housemate who loves cooking and has a cabinet full of spices and marinades so when it’s 2AM and all you have is some raw chicken and eggs, you know which cupboard to hit up to save yourself from a bland and tasteless meal. On the other hand, there’ll also be the housemate who can’t cook for shit and lives of frozen meals from Iceland so when you’re craving a fish finger sandwich, they’ve got your back (they just don’t know it).

You’ll probably go unnoticed for a week or two but when it becomes a regular habit due to the fact that you’re too lazy to walk down to Lidl, even though it’s 3 minutes away, you need to find a victim to blame. If I were you I’d start pointing fingers at the one person who never leaves their room or says anything in the group chat. Everyone’s probably too scared to ask them the truth considering you’re still not sure if they’re a serial killer or not.

Food isn’t the only thing you can steal. I once came across a tweet about a girl who would steal her housemates vibrator which is going a bit too far if you ask me.

If you’re on good terms with your housemates you could even go about stealing their clothes. This might be a good shout if you’re homesick and miss stealing your siblings clothes. Housemates are pretty much family, right?

To be honest, the best thing about having to share a bathroom with 4 or so odd people is sharing their bathroom products. Ever heard of Poo Pourri? Neither had I until I found it on the windowsill in our shared bathroom last year. You spray it in to the toilet after you crap and it saves your housemates from having to smell the side effects of last nights curry. It’s honestly revolutionary. Living with lads doesn’t always have to be bad either. Particularly when you’ve run out of shaving gel and you’re supposed to be meeting your tinder date in an hour.

Oh and don’t get me started on laundry tablets. You can probably go months without having to buy any of your own, I assure you.

You see, it’s all about sucking up to the right people and timing everything correctly. You’re much less likely to be caught in the middle of the night but make sure you don’t go over board. It’s university, not a diamond heist.

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