Advice

Breaking up with someone: the kindest and the rudest ways

If it's time to have 'the talk': how will you do it? Source: rawpixel (Via Unsplash)

By Katie Lewis

During your time at university, you’re likely to date; whether its enjoying a short-term fling or entering a committed long-term relationship. Dating welcomes lots of opportunities- someone you meet in first year could be ‘the one’, or the girl you’ve been friend zoning could potentially be your soul mate. But if it all turns sour, inevitably it will come to an end, and this can be done in various ways. According to a study by Nationwide, the average relationship in your twenties lasts just over four years, which means there’s a chance that uni couples won’t last in the long run.

If you’ve actively tried to fix your relationship, and things don’t get any better, you might be tempted to end it. Ideally, the best way to break up with someone is to meet up with your partner face to face, and it would be over after a heart-to-heart and a few tears.

Some of the more unconventional ways to break off a casual relationship are not so kind to both you and the other person involved.

Ghosting, in the early stages of dating, is fairly common and is usually the result of no longer being interested in the person. For example, when they call- you let it go to voicemail, when they text you- you don’t reply. It sounds cruel, because it can be just that. It doesn’t give the chance for an explanation about why or how your feelings towards someone have changed, but for casual flings, it is sadly a commonplace behaviour among students.

In a committed relationship, ghosting is a pretty unacceptable method of breaking up with someone. Whilst you may have tried to break up with them amicably, and they refuse or try to change your mind, ghosting is not an option. By avoiding them both in the real world and online, this leaves your partner in confusion, and doesn’t treat them with the respect they deserve. Don’t forget that you loved them once, they deserve more than unanswered calls and being blocked on social media. Instead, a kind but explanatory conversation can help give both of you closure and allow the other person to ask any questions they need.

Another situation you could find yourself in, is that you might want to break up with your partner, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Whilst lying is a pretty terrible thing to do, sometimes it is kinder to the other person to simply say that you don’t feel the way you used to, for that part is true. But to save their emotions even more, avoid telling them about every annoying habit they’ve ever had. Kindness is always the best way, and whilst you may have some anger or resentment towards them if your relationship turned sour, you must still remember they are a person with as many feelings as you. By criticising their character, you’ll create more pain than is acceptable.

Remember that it’s important to take their feelings into account. For long-term partners, it is only fair to have an honest conversation with them about why the relationship is breaking down. For a casual fling you’ve only met up with once, ghosting isn’t ideal but it may be a quick solution to phasing them out fo your life. As always, a simple explanation is better than none, even if it’s “I don’t have time t be dating at the moment”. Ending a relationship on good terms means there’s no awkwardness when you bump into them in Cathays.

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