How to date after a negative relationship

A bad breakup doesn't mean it's the end of the road for your love life

By Elaine Tang

Every relationship is “sugar-coated”. They started off like a sweet dream coming true, but some can end up with heartbreak. Getting away from an unhealthy relationship can be tough. Even though deep down you know things are not working out for both of you, you still convince yourself you want to be in this toxic relationship. It is a long and painful process you need to deal with by yourself, so how can you stay strong and let a relationship go? Here is some advice on how to pick yourself up and get ready for a new relationship.

To learn how to deal with all the overwhelming feelings, we first have to understand where they come from. In an ideal relationship you find a companion, someone who appreciates and respect you. However, in a bad relationship, your feelings might not matter to your partner and that can make you feel worthless. “If my love can’t care less, who else will?” You had the courage to leave this toxic relationship but now you are lost. You might think, “I gave up my only chance to be in a relationship, I deserve to be alone.” You could start feeling anxious that nobody loves you, and if you were too focused on your toxic relationship, you might have alienated from your friends, and now you feel alone.

The struggle of starting everything over is real. However, once you have started, it is easy to get by. Here are 3 steps to help you get yourself together:

Evaluate: You can cry over your regrets, but never cry over someone who isn’t worth it. It is important to let yourself cry your feelings out and not to jump into another relationship too soon. Spend some time alone, don’t necessarily find a friend, because trash-talking with your friends is only more confusing when you are emotional. You have to rethink your relationship by yourself, what went wrong? When did it start going bad? Be rational and you will realise you deserve better.

Pickup: If you need support, call a friend. Invest your time into someone who is worth it. Friends and family are less likely to break your heart and walk away from you. Make conversations even though you might be unmotivated, it actually uses less effort than you think. Your friends are probably waiting for your calls and are trying so hard to connect with you. It is a long process to pick up old friendships, but definitely a worth while one.

Expand: Now that you have reflected on the mistakes you’ve made in the past relationship and gained supports from your pals; you feel like you have it all. Your friends appreciate your fun personality, you are being rational and loving yourself more. But somehow, you might still feel lonely, but you doubt that someone will treat you well. Go out there and expand your social circle, whether it’s a night at the bar, joining a society or attending a public seminar; hand out a few numbers and you will realise how attractive you are actually are.

If you are experiencing a heartbreaking breakup, these steps might sound unrealistic for you. But bear in mind; no one can feel this pain that you feel, no one can deal with it for you, so you have to be strong for yourself. You are an individual and you don’t need other’s validations to live. You’ve still got a long way to go, more love to explore, more pain to suffer, but always remember scars can only make you stronger. Everyone is in this world for a reason and you are never worthless. So stop living in the past and start loving yourself; and eventually, you will find someone who appreciates you.

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