16:48 – Message to boyfriend: Would you say I’m good at flirting?
16:52 – Message from boyfriend: Why?
16:57 – Message to boyfriend: I need to know for an article.
17:12 – Message from boyfriend: Um.
17:14 – Message from boyfriend: I guess.
For some strange reason, most of my friends tend to turn to me when they have relationship problems. Having been the only one out of our friendship group who has successfully dated a guy for over 5 minutes, they assume I’m some sort of relationship guru with magical powers when in reality, I have literally no clue how to talk to someone I like.
My first day at University also happened to be the first time I spoke to my boyfriend. I noticed he was cute and thought I’d pluck up the courage to talk to him as we were leaving our induction lectures. “So, are you going to this party tonight?” I casually asked him like we’d known each other for years. His answer was plain and simple; “no.” My mind went blank at that point and I had a little verbal breakdown so without saying anything, I left and we didn’t talk again until he messaged me on Facebook 2 months later.
You see, flirting is just truly about being yourself and being the clumsy and awkward person I am, I thought it was a good idea to go and make a fool out of myself. It’s important to stay within your comfort zones when you’re talking to someone you like and if you’re not then it’s okay to not reply or let them know to calm it.
Over the years, I’ve found that no one has one particular ‘type’ like it’s portrayed in generic Hollywood rom-coms, and in reality, flirting is usually super awkward and messy. It’s most likely going to happen when you spot someone fit in a lecture and get your friends to do some detective work on Facebook and when you do find him, it takes about 3 weeks before you can even muster up the courage to send him a friend request let alone a flirtatious message.
You just need to remember to be relaxed and play it cool which sounds a lot harder than it seems, trust me. Your heart will probably be beating faster than a Formula 1 race car and you’re going to be super anxious that you’re sweating like a pig at the time, but think of it as if you’re talking to a friend rather than a crush. Don’t laugh at everything they say unless they’re genuinely really funny and please, try your best not to do that intense serial killer smile because they’re probably just as worried and nervous as you are, and this will only make them more so.
If you’re too nervous to flirt in person, messaging them online or texting them first is always a good place to start. If you study the same course you could casually bring up some seminar work you have or ask if they’re going to a social.
It really doesn’t have to be as stressful as everyone makes it out to be and reminding yourself to stay cool and calm is a major key to not looking like an idiot.