Advice

How to properly deal with being rejected

Don't take it to heart, sometimes things just don't work out. Source: Ben White (via Unsplash)

By Rebecca Hodson

Rejection can come in many shapes and sizes, from job interviews to nights out, and no version is fun. In an ideal world, the word ‘no’ would seize to exist. However, until that magical day occurs when people learn to be compassionate, it might be easier to consider some effective ways of dealing with rejection.

One of the worst things about rejection is the fear it brings that we will remain alone, unsuccessful and isolated forever. Yet, in reality, it doesn’t take two minutes to rationalise and see how one rejected date does not equal a lifetime alone. Being rational is something we all like to forget to do when we are hit with a wave of sadness or anger which can often lead to us overreacting and spiralling. While acting out might feel good at the time by allowing you to let off steam, in reality it nearly always just ends up creating a series of issues and regrets for us to handle at a later date.

Whether it is the right decision or not, rejection is no fun for either party, and making a drama out of it will only ever make it worse- so always try to think of rational reasons for someone saying no. While those reasons might not always be as light hearted and simple as assignment deadlines or lack of sleep, and they could actually be personal and hard hitting, that doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. We often try to make other people feel as though they are the bad ones for not accepting our own character flaws when we don’t even take the time to deal with them ourselves.

Focusing on you and admitting that is a ‘you problem’ not a ‘them problem’ won’t just help you understand yourself better but will also make you less offended by rejection. It is important to learn how to do things alone, so if you wanted to go on a date to the cinema or cafe, go on your own, don’t stop just because the other person doesn’t want to. Learn how to love your own company before expecting anyone else to.

Also always try to remember the times you have rejected other people, and maybe how you rejected them because you were too busy, or they were sometimes too loud, and it didn’t mean you suddenly hated them. We have to put our personal needs first, and while sometimes that could be going out and being loud, other times, we just need to be relaxed at home in our pj’s. It is important to understand that rejection doesn’t always equal dislike. Of course, there are some occasions when that could be the case, but that doesn’t mean you’re no longer a good person, it just means that person probably isn’t right for you.

So, whether your rejected by your best friend who doesn’t want to go to Spoons or someone you believe to be your soulmate, remember to rationalise and reflect on yourself before you go burning down bridges like its 1666.

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