Advice

My coming out story. You don’t have to hide who you are anymore.

Your sexuality is yours: Source: Kirsty Lee (via Unsplash)

By Lowri Kerys Rowlands

Bisexuality creeps up on you. For me, it had always been there in small ways: Staring at my girl friends with saucer eyes, while also furtively glancing at the good-looking boys in my class. I didn’t care whether the people I played ‘House’ with were all girls or boys. I’m also not afraid to admit that I had huge crushes on Jake Long (‘American Dragon’, a classic) and Shego (‘Kim Possible’).

The internet was my real venture into bisexuality. You guessed it, ‘Tumblr’ helped me come to terms with my sexuality. I was 14-years-old, and I was ecstatic. I told all of my friends, however I was met with friction. One of my friends called it ‘stupid’, another interjected that I could fancy any one of them as though I was contagious. I tried to tell my mam very suddenly over tea and was met with: “You can’t know that yet”. My dad had little reaction at all, which was perhaps worse.

As I got older, things went downhill. In particular, people I dated either wanted my best friend involved too; or they would exclaim that: “I’ve never met a bisexual girl before!”, only to accuse me of wanting to cheat on them with my best friend further down the line. Bisexual women are more likely to experience abuse, and are often left with little resources catered specifically to them. Unfortunately, I too have experienced this. It can be exhausting. It can feel like you are justifying yourself over and over again, ironing out the percentages of your attraction to people when, in all honesty, it doesn’t matter.

There is good news though. My mam has since assured me that: “As long as they make you happy, that’s what matters”. My dad still says nothing, but he’s so docile that I don’t think anybody I bring home would worry him. I have since made a lot of friends in the LGBTQ+ community too, which has made me so confident in my identity. There is even solidarity in the simple: “Me too!”, when talking about it with strangers.

It doesn’t all happen at once. Remember that your sexuality and gender identity are just that: yours. Have tenderness and warmth for yourself, always. Take time to ensure that you are happy and comfortable with your own journey, solidify that network as best as you can, because ultimately it’s you that matters most.

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