I\u2019m 20, I\u2019m at university, and I\u2019ve never been in a relationship. This is something people react to more than I expect. It\u2019s usually followed by questions, or assumptions, or a pause that suggests I\u2019m about to explain myself. I rarely do, mostly because there isn\u2019t much to explain. I\u2019ve just never really wanted one. It\u2019s not that I\u2019m against relationships, or secretly waiting for the right person, or pretending I don\u2019t care. I just don\u2019t feel like a relationship would add much to my life right now. That might change, but at the moment, I\u2019m fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of the reason for that is my friends. They know me better than anyone else ever has, in a way that\u2019s so normal it barely registers until you think about it. They know my favourite drinks. They know that a night out for me ends with falling asleep in my clothes. One of my friends runs a pub quiz and once made the picture round entirely about cheese because she knows how much I love it. They send me photos of Aperol Spritz menus when they see them. None of this is deep or emotional. It\u2019s just familiarity. And honestly, that\u2019s kind of the point. No man I\u2019ve ever spoken to romantically knows any of this. No one\u2019s ever really tried to. Conversations don\u2019t go much further than the basics, and interest rarely extends beyond sex. That\u2019s not a dramatic statement; it\u2019s just how it\u2019s been. And it\u2019s not unique to me.
By the third year of university, it becomes obvious that this is a shared experience. Every girl I know has bad stories about men. It kind of becomes a bonding experience to sit at the pub with your girls and share your stories. Now, some people get offended when I say this, but the men of this generation are truly horrible, especially the ones at university. I think I have been treated with more respect by a stranger passing on the street than by any of the men I know. Treat them nicely, they treat you badly, treat them the same way, it’s an issue. I\u2019ve had countless negative sexual
experiences which include being ghosted the next day, so by now, I have come to the realisation that I would rather be alone, and enjoy myself with my friends, than to pour any ounce of effort into dating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most women I know don\u2019t really care about men anymore. Not in a bitter way, and not in a \u201csworn off love forever\u201d way, just in a detached way. Dating stops being exciting. It stops feeling important. It starts feeling like effort with very little payoff. At the same time, something else shifts. Instead of competing with each other, women start backing each other. We compare notes, mostly to confirm that we\u2019re not imagining things, then move on. It feels less like trying to impress men and more like quietly agreeing that they\u2019re not the focus anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
University still treats relationships as something you\u2019re meant to be working towards. \u201cAre you seeing anyone?\u201d is asked like it\u2019s neutral information, as if it doesn\u2019t carry any expectations. But for a lot of women, that question doesn\u2019t really land. It doesn\u2019t reflect how we\u2019re actually living. Friendships are doing most of the work. They\u2019re the people you see every day, who know your routines, who show up without needing to be asked. They\u2019re the ones who make your life feel full. Compared to that, the idea that being single equals loneliness feels slightly out of touch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being single, for me, doesn\u2019t feel like a statement. It\u2019s not something I\u2019m proud of or embarrassed by. It\u2019s just not the main thing. My life is already busy, already social, already enjoyable. I don\u2019t feel like I\u2019m waiting for anything to start.
I\u2019m incredibly successful for my age, and I\u2019m surrounded by the most amazing friends, male and female. Personally, I am not willing to jeopardise my happiness for a man who wouldn\u2019t appreciate me.
Maybe that\u2019s what\u2019s changed. Single used to mean \u201calone\u201d. Now it mostly just means your life isn\u2019t organised around men. And for a lot of women at university right now, that doesn\u2019t feel like a problem at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Image courtesy of Kaboompics<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019m 20, I\u2019m at university, and I\u2019ve never been in a relationship. This is something people react to more than […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":711,"featured_media":37617,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[7752,3054,557,1305,1880,96,1206],"class_list":["post-37616","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columnist","tag-being-single","tag-cardiff-student-media","tag-cardiff-university","tag-columnist-2","tag-dating","tag-quench","tag-quench-magazine"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n