Purity culture, the concept of the body count, idolising restraint, settling down, and saving yourself for your future partner seems to be taking our generation by storm. Stemming from backlash regarding the digital-era hookup culture; the taboo around sex, dating, and pleasure has never been so relevant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“What is your body count?” The phrase has taken on an entirely new meaning in modern-day vernacular. The majority of the discourse surrounding body count is misogynistic, shaming women for sleeping with too many or too few – shaming women for exploring their personal pleasure, rather than waiting for the one. In reality, the idea of the body count doesn\u2019t actually exist. Why count? Instead, prioritise your pleasure, with someone new, familiar, or even by yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSex is like food, it can be a spiritual experience, and hell I\u2019ve cried over food, but sometimes you just want a greasy cheeseburger while you\u2019re drunk.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Love and lust have become increasingly polarising topics. On one hand, you may feel as if people are open to pushing the boundaries of traditional heteronormative monogamous relationships, but on the other side of this incredibly divided spectrum, a push towards sanctity is ever surging. Like anything, there will always be two sides to the story, but why do we care so much about others\u2019 sex lives? It is no one\u2019s business but your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now that we have established that sex is not some crazy phenomenon and there\u2019s no such thing as too much or too little, let\u2019s talk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Everyone deserves to walk away feeling satisfied and that satisfaction can only come from clear communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Good sex is safe sex.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Communication is the bottom line to a successful sex story. Talk about consent, what is okay, and what is not; talk about your sexual health, no one wants to wake up to a call from the clinic; and talk about what feels good. Why are we embarrassed? Embrace your inner Samantha Jones and talk about it over dinner if needs be. But really, we aren\u2019t mind-readers and your safety can only be established through words. Remember, it takes two to tango, and your voice is an equal contender.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you don\u2019t believe me, there is research supporting positive associations between sexual communication with orgasm frequency and overall satisfaction. So, how can we reach a healthy level of communication while feeling understandably nervous? In terms of pleasure, communication doesn\u2019t have to be so black and white. You are in a vulnerable position, perhaps with someone new. You\u2019re nervous, and suddenly all your confidence has gone out the window, but you still deserve a great time. Sexual communication can take numerous forms, including verbal, vocal, and bodily. Moan! \u2026or don\u2019t. Silence speaks volumes too. If you don\u2019t feel confident in verbally directing your partner to what brings you pleasure, make it clear through sounds or using your body – show and tell can be fun. Responding to Many ‘bad’ sexual experiences are simply due to nerves. Sometimes, sex anxiety fails you, and your body simply \u201cstops working\u201d. It is nearly impossible to reach climax and feel satisfied if you\u2019re tense and distracted. A lot of the time, this nervous feeling stems from wanting to perform and look good for your partner, which is completely natural! Feeling Now remember, you will always be in charge of your pleasure, speak up, stay safe, and have fun!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Words by Bella Roucher <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Purity culture, the concept of the body count, idolising restraint, settling down, and saving yourself for your future partner seems […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":736,"featured_media":38524,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[5521,6571],"tags":[3,567,96,1206,1239],"class_list":["post-38523","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love","category-sex","tag-cardiff","tag-love","tag-quench","tag-quench-magazine","tag-sex"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
these hints from your partner is just as important. Being able to have balance between give and take in a relationship is a cornerstone of intimacy and healthy connection. Sometimes all you need is a post-sex debrief; praise goes a long way for both parties, but constructive criticism never hurts. Remember, it\u2019s not always going to go perfectly, and sometimes you just aren\u2019t compatible; you must take the bad with the good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
overly anxious or even scared is not healthy when you\u2019re in such a vulnerable position. If they are a decent and well-educated person, your partner will never be judgmental of your body; if they are, you should not even be in the same room as them! It can still be incredibly nerve-wracking even if they seem like the perfect fit. Fake it until you make it. Pretending to be confident has gotten me a long way; I may be eating myself up at first, but eventually, you get distracted and completely immersed in the experience – focusing on your partner helps, too! Remember, you are both in the same position, and probably equally as nervous as each other. Just take things slow and have fun – with the right person, you won’t feel awkward or shy. If in doubt, there\u2019s nothing like a cute lingerie set to boost your confidence – look good, feel good. Dress up for yourself, especially if there\u2019s a mirror involved\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n