Following the stunning campaign trail of Mitt Romney in the current US presidential election, Opinion writer Philippa Ako gives a brief guide on how to ruin your popularity ratings, in case any of our readers ever run for US President.
Every four years, we are graced with some amazing clangers that come with the US Presidential Election campaigns. This year, weÔÇÖve seen some particularly amusing/enraging moves from a particular hopeful, so why not learn from these awful moments and take notes on how to run a gaffe-filled campaign?
Alienate almost half of the countryÔÇÖs population
Elections are a popularity contest, right? We all know itÔÇÖs meant to be about the issues, but letÔÇÖs be honest; if the guy is unlikeable, you are never going to cross his box. So as a candidate, surely youÔÇÖve got to seem appealing to everybody, and want (or pretend convincingly that you want) votes from all walks of life, no? Of course not! YouÔÇÖre only after the votes of privileged people just like you. Announce this at a benefit with other people just like you, so you can all laugh at the unfortunate. Failing this, make sure that the country knows that your interests lie with the middle class. Who needs the lower classes when they represent all thatÔÇÖs wrong with the country in your eyes? Are they even able to hold a vote?
Throw the fact that you are wealthy in everyone’s face
Money has never been an issue to you. Therefore, money shouldnÔÇÖt be an issue to anybody else. Make bets worth ridiculous amounts of money on national television to show just how confident you are in your views. Also, itÔÇÖs a good idea to claim that the middle class earn between $200,000-250,000 a year. ThatÔÇÖs a way to make people believe that you really understand the people.
Change your family history to make yourself to look good
Somebody lets you know that your strategy of capturing the nationÔÇÖs heart by disregarding half of them hasnÔÇÖt put you in the best light, so you attempt to curry favour with a little doctoring of your past. Place family members at important events in national history when they were never there, and claim to be really into a controversial sport youÔÇÖve only tried twice. Ignore the fact that youÔÇÖve fabricated these stories when your campaign team tell the truth, because everyone expects politicians to lie, right?
Call your political opponent a liar
This is a particularly useful tactic if you wish to make your campaign as widely spoken about as possible. Being a candidate who sips from the cup of make-believe quite often, the best way to deflect attention from yourself is to show up your rival. You might not be perfect, but youÔÇÖll be damned if you fail to let everyone know that he isnÔÇÖt either.
Insult the nation you are visiting
Special relationships are only useful when entering a war. Forget the fact that you could be offending some useful allies, making it known that youÔÇÖre worried about what you perceive to be their lack of planning, shows that youÔÇÖre a compassionate candidate. Mention in the international press that you had a meeting with a top secret security organisation, because the only thing that they really need is publicity. Also refer to the opposition party leader as ÔÇÿMr. LeaderÔÇÖ, because not knowing who the Prime Minister is will surely turn heads.
Other memorable stunts could include:
- Dubious caretaking of your family pets. PETA donÔÇÖt have a clue what theyÔÇÖre talking about.
- Having your wife become more popular and well known than your actual political views.
- Say a lot of silly things, creating a new first name should be top of your list.
It takes a lot of work to come across as an out-of-touch politician, but candidates seem to do it with ease. It isnÔÇÖt like theyÔÇÖre rallying to be the leader of the free world or anything.
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