By Kate Waldock
Let me begin this by saying that I am not going to start this article in the way that you see countless other articles do. Sex toys are not just for people whose relationship has gone downhill in the sex department, as many heteronormative magazines would have you believe. Nor are they an indication of how ÔÇÿkinkyÔÇÖ a person is. Sex toys are simply another way of experiencing pleasure; with or without a partner. Plus, there are a LOT of sex toys out there. I would say almost too many; but can you ever have too many choices for mode of orgasm? I think not.
With the knowledge that there are so many toys out there and so much advice for the use of them; I got in touch with Poppy Scarlett Lepora, owner of Self & More, to discuss all things sex toys.
How do you recommend cleaning my toys?
Cleaning your toys regularly prevents you from giving yourself any sort of infection (like thrush) from the build-up of dust and bacteria, plus it can help your toys last longer.
If your toy does not contain a motor (doesnÔÇÖt vibrate) and is made from quality silicone then you can simply boil it in a pot to properly disinfect it ÔÇô this is especially useful if youÔÇÖre using the toy anally.
With your vibrating toys and other materials, any non-fragranced soap and a splash of warm water will usually do the trick, but if youÔÇÖre extra sensitive you might want to invest in a specially formulated toy cleaner which is PH balanced and odourless.
Orgasm isnÔÇÖt the only symbol of a successful fuck. Your main aim should be to give each-other as much pleasure as possible, rather than putting pressure on yourself to achieve a goal.
Can straight couples use toys during sex?
Anyone can use toys during sex! SomeoneÔÇÖs sexuality doesnÔÇÖt dictate whether they can use toys and using toys doesnÔÇÖt suggest anything about someoneÔÇÖs sexuality. They can add new sensations for both partners, but theyÔÇÖre especially great for closing the orgasm-gap – the orgasm gap refers to how men orgasm more often than women during heterosexual sex.
ItÔÇÖs important to remember that for most people with vulvas, the external part of the clit (the part which you can see) is the centre of their pleasure. This means that using fingers, oral stimulation or vibration is incredibly important when it comes to reaching orgasm and levelling out the pleasure balance in hetero sex. Most people with vulvas simply wonÔÇÖt reach orgasm through penetration alone. Introducing sex toys is an incredibly fun way to add more pleasure for both partners, and to provide the stimulation needed for both people to reach orgasm.
Side note: orgasm isnÔÇÖt the only symbol of a successful fuck. Your main aim should be to give each-other as much pleasure as possible, rather than putting pressure on yourself to achieve a goal.
What lube do you recommend?
I love lube! ItÔÇÖs always great to have a bottle on hand just in case. When it comes to using sex toys, lube just makes everything feel that extra bit better and reduces the friction between your body and the toy.
Water-based lubricant is always a good choice as itÔÇÖs compatible with all toys and body parts. Ideally you want to choose a lube which contains natural ingredients as harsh chemicals can cause irritation or a Ph imbalance (especially for vulvas). My personal favourite (and Self & MoreÔÇÖs best-selling) lube is Sliquid Sassy, which is a gloriously thick, yet non-sticky lube.
For anal play specifically a silicone-based lubricant like Uberlube can work wonders as itÔÇÖs a little thicker and longer-lasting than water-based, though itÔÇÖs not compatible with silicone toys as it can affect the finish.
Introducing sex toys is an incredibly fun way to add more pleasure for both partners, and to provide the stimulation needed for both people to reach orgasm.
How do I know which sex toy is right for me?
When choosing a toy, consider what kind of stimulation you like in masturbation and partnered sex already. If you have a vulva: do you get off from rubbing your clit? Or do you get pleasure from penetration? Or both? Once youÔÇÖve figured that out, consider how hard and fast you like your stimulation ÔÇô if youÔÇÖre very sensitive then you might want to get a toy which is described as gentle. If you like firm, fast stimulation then go for something which describes itself as ÔÇÿpowerfulÔÇÖ.
Aside from that, choose a toy which youÔÇÖre attracted to. YouÔÇÖll want to use it more if you like how it looks. Sex toy designs have come a long way in the past few years ÔÇô you donÔÇÖt have to choose between form and function, you can have both.
Which toys do you recommend from your store?
All of them!
Our best-selling toy is the Satisfyer Pro 2. ItÔÇÖs a clitoral suction toy which stimulates the clitoris through rhythmically pulsing air waves. You place the nozzle over your clit and let it do its thing. Lots of people with vulvas tell us that itÔÇÖs the first thing which has made them orgasm reliably. ItÔÇÖs very popular.
Which toys do you recommend using with a partner?
Any toy you can use alone can also be used with a partner. If you have a favourite toy then you can easily turn it into a coupleÔÇÖs toy by letting your partner watch you use it or using it on one another.
Wand vibrators in particular are very versatile. This style of vibrator has a long handle (which doesnÔÇÖt vibrate) and a broad head (which has the motor in). The handle means you can manoeuvre the toy into position between bodies and the broad surface area means itÔÇÖs easy to hit the right spot. The obvious way to use a wand is to press it against the clit, but you can also press it against a dick or the perineum (the bit between the balls and the anus). One of my favourites is the Le Wand Petite.
Can people with penises have sex toys?
The wonderful thing about sex toys is that thereÔÇÖs something for everybody. People with penises have lots of options. Cock rings sit around the base of the penis (and sometimes around the scrotum too) and restrict blood flow out of the penis resulting in harder, longer-lasting erections. Masturbation sleeves are squidgy cylinders which add a totally new sensation any wank ÔÇô you can get toys which look like vaginas and booties or you can opt for a non-representational toy (that doesnÔÇÖt look like a body) ÔÇô I love the Fleshlight Vantage because it is open both ends and can be incorporated into blowjobs as well as solo play. And donÔÇÖt forget the prostate! ThereÔÇÖs a lot of pleasure to be found inside the ass. Start with a simple butt plug like the Bootie Prostate Plug by Fun Factory, and if you like the sensation then you can experiment with other massagers.
What material should I look for in sex toys?
ItÔÇÖs important to choose a toy which is body-safe. This just means that itÔÇÖs safe for the intended use and wonÔÇÖt harm your body.
Typically this means:
Porosity – can this toy be thoroughly cleaned? If a toy is porous ( has pores that materials can get into) then it can never truly be cleaned. Bacteria from bodily fluids and lubricants can get trapped in the material and cause irritation with repeated use.
Toxicity – can this toy hurt me? Are the materials safe for use on your genitals?
Materials that are body-safe: medical grade silicone, specially treated glass, wood, or porcelain, stainless steel or hard plastics. Soft plastics like TPE (the squidgy material which lots of penis masturbators are made from) are generally fine but have a shorter shelf life and should be disposed of once they pass this.
Most retailers which only stock body-safe toys (like Self & More) will tell you so on their website. To be safe, avoid non-branded toys and shopping at Amazon.
Poppy Lepora is a pleasure educator and owner of the sex-positive sexual wellness boutique, Self & More.
If you would like to check out Poppy’s shop, go to www.selfandmore.com! You won’t regret it.
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