“Even a red flag looks pink when you’re wearing rose tinted glasses” – Me, after telling my friends how my newest crush leads me on and ghosts me for weeks before sliding back into my DMs like nothing happened.
However, I’m now aware that this situation is merely the real-life sequel of all the romance novels and movies I’ve devoured in my lifetime. My dawn into adolescence began with ÔÇÿThe Twilight Saga’, the franchise that convinced me that I needed a partner who stares at me through my bedroom window when I sleep and calls me their “own personal brand of heroin”. I also grew up on a healthy diet of Bollywood movies, where the male protagonist expresses his infatuation for the girl with over-the-top romantic gesturesÔÇö ones that often teeter on the brink of harassment.
Of course I know these characters are toxic, but it’s all too easy to overlook their questionable behaviours, or even romanticise it, when the storyline itself leaves it unacknowledged or treats it as a minor hindrance to a perfect love story. Viewers are thus left with a distorted perception that equates love with chaos. Consider this – unpredictability is often a vital part of the charm of our favourite ÔÇÿbad boy’ characters. On a good day, they make their partners feel desired with over-the-top attention and grand proclamations. On a bad day however, it’s impossible to gauge what’s coming: anger, aloofness, gaslighting or some other manipulation tactic.
Yet at this juncture in the story, viewers like me are chasing the highs, vicariously living through the female character whilst relishing every sweet word and grand gesture. Even when he screws up, he makes up for it in the most thoughtful way possible, convincing us that his love is worth tolerating his ÔÇÿflaws’ for.
That’s the thing about these ÔÇÿred flags’. On the good days, they give you rose-tinted glasses that you refuse to take off, even on the bad days.┬á
By Ananya Ranjit
Can you fix him? No, you can’t. But it’s fun to try.
Toxicity is praised in men, as we saw recently from the heaps of girls watching Love Island UK, and tweeting their praise for men who bullied and belittled every woman but “their own”. It could be the old ball-and-chain trope of the heterosexual relationship, but I see it as the desire to be special. You might want a man who hates everyone but you, a guy who’s rude to any girl that dares ask for his number, that tells you he never feels like this about anyone, that his exes were so much worse than you. It is easy to fall for someone, while ignoring the obvious problems, and this is in no way the victim’s fault. Who isn’t susceptible to the charms of a bad boy?
Toxic men are still loved because of the need to be needed. The downside is that someone that wants you to take on all their problems will rarely care about yours, and the same negative traits that were at first charming will now be draining. Love and attraction blur the line between standard flaws and problematic warning signs, but once the high from being “useful” loses its effect, all those past issues become all too clear. In the words of an animated owl on Bojack Horseman, ÔÇÿwhen you look at someone through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags’.
By Francesca Ionescu
As obvious as it sounds, I think what’s so exciting about a flag is that it’s RED. It’s bold, bright and exciting. We can’t help but feel naturally curious, running straight toward them like a Spanish bull. Perhaps our generation was raised addicted to stress, and so the anxieties that flare up seem perversely attractive and passion-inducing. Psychologically speaking, these toxic traits can often be traced to childhood, the cycles we continue in credited as comforting and familiar.
ÔÇÿPlaying the game’ IS fun. It distracts and allows us to remain uncheckedÔÇö a dating safety net. Being young and single now excuses dick behaviour ÔÇô maybe the moral disregard for exclusivity in favour of clubbing culture has desensitized us to romance. It freed us from the pressure of monogamy, whilst simultaneously ruining it for us in the process. With the lack of pressure and the slow ebbing away of slut shaming society (especially for girls), there are many positives to the modernisation of casual sex. In my opinion however, the negative effects result in a warped reality of romance. We mistake anxious attachment for elation when we finally receive a reply. There’s something magnetic about the dangerous, the open knowledge a person is bad for us. Our generation seemingly insists on the path of self-destruction, one which is arguably too, a path of self-discovery.
So, to everyone out there, make sure to protect yourselves. In the age of Andrew Tates, let’s pray those flags are green ones and not attached to a pirate ship. My advice? As long as you don’t commit, let the games begin!
By Tahira Ali
