Words by Holly Hostettler-Davies
Imagine this: ItÔÇÖs 2022 and you and your partner decide to live with your best friends, who are also a couple. YouÔÇÖve been on countless meals out, days at the beach, shopping trips, walks in the park – many double dates. YouÔÇÖve even been on trips together, shared living spaces for a short time. But now youÔÇÖre going to share a house. Double dates will become your normal nightly dinners, your movie marathons on your shared sofa, your Sunday morning house cleans, your wine and games nights. ItÔÇÖs a unique arrangement, but one thatÔÇÖs double the fun.
ItÔÇÖs 2023, and now itÔÇÖs my reality. Deciding to live with my partner and our best friends was a particularly easy decision. We had spent the last three years strengthening our bond as a four and enjoying the early years of our respective relationships. We are comfortable with each other, we understand our rhythms and our ways of doing things, we are like-minded and enjoy each otherÔÇÖs company, we fit together well. Moving in together was simply the logical way forward.
I had lived with friends before, but I knew even before moving in, that this would feel different, better, more comfortable. I knew it would feel like moving into a home, rather than moving into a house.
Our first three weeks living together felt like we were in a bit of a bubble. The weeks before uni starts back where everyoneÔÇÖs sort of in limbo, anticipating the new term but not wanting to wish away the last of the break. We took advantage of this time and enjoyed games nights, walks around the local area, trips to the supermarket, cooking dinners together and eating as a four. It felt like we were on holiday rather than about to start a busy year of studies, and was definitely a good way to end the summer break!
But weÔÇÖre now a couple of weeks into the University term and have had time to settle into our new and busy routines. What began as regularly shared meal-times has now turned into separate eating times, just to accommodate our differing schedules. What began as nightly game nights have now turned into quick kitchen catch-ups. Our house calendar allows us to stay updated on what each other is doing, so we know when we might need to pull our weight a bit more if someone is particularly busy or has had a long day. The vase in our kitchen never stays empty for long and the lounge door stays open if anyone is free to play a game or grab a snack.
As with any living arrangement, there have been adjustments to make. We’ve learned that allowing each other space is important. It would be easy for us to spend all of our time together, to constantly exist in the shared living spaces and stay inside our little bubble.
For us, having a four bedroom house was crucial. We recognise the need for our own personal space, whilst also appreciating the closeness of our relationships and friendships. We work together to find the right balance between spending time as a four and giving each couple, and each person individually, the space they need. ItÔÇÖs important that we donÔÇÖt use our shared living space as an excuse to neglect intentional dates, both as a four and as respective couples. We continue to schedule things like dinners out, trips to the pub to watch the rugby, shopping trips and weekend brunches. ItÔÇÖs this kind of intentional effort that allows our friendships to continue thriving rather than being suffocated by the close proximity in which we now live.
Overall, itÔÇÖs like having a built-in support system and social calendar all rolled into one! ItÔÇÖs a comfortable and safe and respectful environment, exactly what one wants out of a shared living arrangement. It’s a real testament to the strength of our friendships, and I feel lucky to have the opportunity to do this.
