Dating in the modern century has evolved into a game, where particular attributes are checked off an imaginary, yet desirable list, with no room for compromise or space to open up to new experiences. 

This systematic search for love has turned into something that is robotic and unnatural, as people are constantly overthinking being themselves because god forbid they give someone the ‘ick’ or they think of ways they can be the idealised version for someone, who doesn’t even know what they want from a relationship to begin with. 

Fear of falling

This uncertainty has created a rise of anxiety towards relationships, as people are afraid to open up and share themselves with someone fully, due to many hurtful past experiences people have had with partners and in turn, created trust issues for that person affected.

But one has to remember that allowing oneself to fall for someone is one of the bravest things a person can do. Accepting the risk of rejection for the chance of meaningful connection and security is well worth it.

Bare minimum or lackluster

The search for love and meaningful relationships has become particularly difficult for Gen-Z due to the normalization of relationships without commitment (known infamously as situationships) which makes it harder for individuals to recognise what a healthy relationship actually looks like. 

For some, the benefits of a relationship like fun dates, flirty banter, and physical intimacy is substantial enough without the title of a relationship. Lowering the standards this way makes achieving that dopamine rush from a real relationship that much easier, as you’re not contracted to care for that person or become emotionally vulnerable. 

When emotions aren’t involved, no one gets hurt, right?

Talk it out

What seems to be a common problem in these situationships is the breakdown over communication – or lack thereof. Ranging communication styles in relationships too can become incredibly frustrating when one person requires regular reassurance and the other, well, doesn’t.

When one person over-thinks their entire relationships over being delivered for 24 hours and the other doesn’t see why that’s even an issue can ultimately create tension, as misunderstanding leads to personal needs not being met.

To be loved is to be known, and therefore communicating your needs to your significant other is the necessary first step to getting anywhere in your relationship. If, however, you have tried communicating these needs on numerous occasions and they’re still not being met due to laziness or disinterest, then it’s time to move on.

Trial & error

After talking to close ones on this topic, it seems that the necessary step to experiencing the relationship you actually want, you have to put yourself in like-minded spaces.

If you want true, romantic and pure love like from The Notebook, then you probably won’t find the love of your life in sticky and overcrowded spoons on a rugby match night. Obviously, people do meet in crazy places sometimes, but my point is if you are surrounding yourself with people and spaces that don’t reflect how you want your future to look, then you’re making it a lot harder for yourself.

If you find yourself going through a pattern of disappointing experiences because all your acquaintances come from Tinder one-night stands, then maybe that’s the issue. Personally, when I noticed that the romantic interests I was attracting were emotionally unavailable and without an ounce of originality, I recognised that I needed to reflect on what my desires were for a relationship and why I wasn’t meeting the people I was meant to be with. Truly understanding what you want from a relationship makes searching for a partner a more peaceful experience and hopefully less demotivating.

Is there hope?

To conclude, dating can not only be tough, but also confusing and hard to navigate through all the uncertainty. However, I think if people really put in the effort to form real connections with others and break down mental barriers preventing true expression, then there is hope in this generation. 

So, if you’re feeling that there is no hope for love in this age, know that there are plenty others who are thinking the same thing, and it’s just a matter of time before you cross paths.

Words by: Ola Rzeszut