I’m 20, I’m at university, and I’ve never been in a relationship. This is something people react to more than I expect. It’s usually followed by questions, or assumptions, or a pause that suggests I’m about to explain myself. I rarely do, mostly because there isn’t much to explain. I’ve just never really wanted one. It’s not that I’m against relationships, or secretly waiting for the right person, or pretending I don’t care. I just don’t feel like a relationship would add much to my life right now. That might change, but at the moment, I’m fine.
Most of the reason for that is my friends. They know me better than anyone else ever has, in a way that’s so normal it barely registers until you think about it. They know my favourite drinks. They know that a night out for me ends with falling asleep in my clothes. One of my friends runs a pub quiz and once made the picture round entirely about cheese because she knows how much I love it. They send me photos of Aperol Spritz menus when they see them. None of this is deep or emotional. It’s just familiarity. And honestly, that’s kind of the point. No man I’ve ever spoken to romantically knows any of this. No one’s ever really tried to. Conversations don’t go much further than the basics, and interest rarely extends beyond sex. That’s not a dramatic statement; it’s just how it’s been. And it’s not unique to me.
By the third year of university, it becomes obvious that this is a shared experience. Every girl I know has bad stories about men. It kind of becomes a bonding experience to sit at the pub with your girls and share your stories. Now, some people get offended when I say this, but the men of this generation are truly horrible, especially the ones at university. I think I have been treated with more respect by a stranger passing on the street than by any of the men I know. Treat them nicely, they treat you badly, treat them the same way, it’s an issue. I’ve had countless negative sexual
experiences which include being ghosted the next day, so by now, I have come to the realisation that I would rather be alone, and enjoy myself with my friends, than to pour any ounce of effort into dating.
Most women I know don’t really care about men anymore. Not in a bitter way, and not in a “sworn off love forever” way, just in a detached way. Dating stops being exciting. It stops feeling important. It starts feeling like effort with very little payoff. At the same time, something else shifts. Instead of competing with each other, women start backing each other. We compare notes, mostly to confirm that we’re not imagining things, then move on. It feels less like trying to impress men and more like quietly agreeing that they’re not the focus anymore.
University still treats relationships as something you’re meant to be working towards. “Are you seeing anyone?” is asked like it’s neutral information, as if it doesn’t carry any expectations. But for a lot of women, that question doesn’t really land. It doesn’t reflect how we’re actually living. Friendships are doing most of the work. They’re the people you see every day, who know your routines, who show up without needing to be asked. They’re the ones who make your life feel full. Compared to that, the idea that being single equals loneliness feels slightly out of touch.
Being single, for me, doesn’t feel like a statement. It’s not something I’m proud of or embarrassed by. It’s just not the main thing. My life is already busy, already social, already enjoyable. I don’t feel like I’m waiting for anything to start.
I’m incredibly successful for my age, and I’m surrounded by the most amazing friends, male and female. Personally, I am not willing to jeopardise my happiness for a man who wouldn’t appreciate me.
Maybe that’s what’s changed. Single used to mean “alone”. Now it mostly just means your life isn’t organised around men. And for a lot of women at university right now, that doesn’t feel like a problem at all.
Image courtesy of Kaboompics
