Whether you and your partner are navigating a long-distance relationship, or you live three doors down from one another, it’s no secret that dating at university can sometimes be very challenging. As students, we face so many difficulties and changes within our personal lives and this often reflects itself in our relationships.

We all know that no two relationships are the same. Some couples have been together since they were in school; some meet on a drunken night out in YOLO; some are still struggling with labels in the midst of their messy Hinge situationships. While they are all so drastically different, these couples find commonality in their need to communicate. You can love it or loathe it but it’s crucial in doing what is right for all parties.

Unfortunately, rough patches happen to the best of us – even the happiest couples you know will have had their disagreements! There’s no instruction manual for dating when you’re having a hard time but there are certainly some do’s and don’ts to bear in mind.

The Dont’s

Don’t sacrifice your happiness for a dysfunctional relationship:

The word ‘compromise’ is always emphasised to couples but it often gets misinterpreted. A certain level of give and take is important; this should manifest itself in both partners having their needs prioritised at different times. Compromise does not mean constantly sacrificing your wellbeing, hobbies, friends or time. If your relationship doesn’t allow you to have these things, it may be time for an honest conversation about each person’s priorities. Can a healthy change be made? If not, it might be time to be alone and indulge in these joys again.

Don’t make rash relationship decisions while under the influence:

While I understand it can sometimes feel incredibly gratifying to send an angry, drunken voice note or tell your partner off – trust me, I’ve been there – it’s almost never productive. Important conversations are most efficient when all parties are sober, calm and willing to listen. This also helps to avoid the immediate sense of dread upon waking up the next day!

Don’t expect what you haven’t communicated:

In an ideal world, everyone’s partner would be psychically attuned to their every need and no one would have to ask for anything. However, this isn’t how people tend to function. You should of course expect and be giving basic respect to your partner. But if there is something specific that you require out of your relationship, you must communicate it. If you’re permanently holding your partner to a standard they don’t know exists, you’ll always be disappointed.

The Do’s

Do take heed of your loved one’s opinions:

I’m not saying that you need to follow every piece of dating advice you’re given, as only you and your partner know the true ins and outs of your relationship. However, if your friends are trying to bar your partner from your house, or your parents already hate someone that they’ve only heard about over the phone, it might be time to reflect on your situation. The words of those who love you are often the hardest to hear but, generally speaking, they have your best interest in mind. Take all advice with a pinch of salt but pay attention to what those around you have to say about your relationship.

Do encourage time apart:

It’s all too easy to want to spend every waking moment with the person you love but this can sometimes do more harm than good. A few days of separation with a nightly phone call and a few meaningful texts will be far more beneficial than falling into accidental habits of co-dependency. You are both your own interesting people – try to act accordingly so your time together is higher quality. You’ll both cherish this decision!

Do smile:

You should only be in a relationship if it adds positive value to your life. When you’re in the trenches of an argument or a miscommunication with your partner, you have to remember why you love them. Every day with each other may not be good but try to ensure there is a little good in every day. If you can’t make each other laugh or smile, even over something small, then you may not be each other’s person.

If, like myself, you’re partial to ignoring the advice of others, I only have one parting sentiment. People are inherently flawed. Both you and your partner will make mistakes. Tough times do not always have to mean it’s the end – give yourself and your lover some grace. But, at the end of the day, there’s no shame in things not going to plan. If you cannot resolve your shared issues or either party feels they’ve started to lose sight of themselves, a healthy step back is always an option.

Words by: Grace Scribbins

Featured image courtesy of Joel Holland on Unsplash. No changes have been made to this image. Photo licence found here.