Rachel Moloney questions why ITV and the BBC find it so hard to hold onto their female judges.
I┬áwas complaining not so long ago about the horrendous vacuum emerging on my TV screen. I need that final ever series of Gossip Girl (Blake Lively seems too busy marrying Ryan Reynolds), IÔÇÖm dying to know if CarrieÔÇÖs memory will return in Homeland (Claire Danes is too busy being pregnant) and thereÔÇÖs been an Olympics-shaped hole in my life ever since we handed over those silly flags to Rio.
Nevertheless, there is a little shimmer on the TV horizon that will just have to do in the meantime. Incapable of coming up with any new and original ideas, BBC and ITV are sticking to their predictable Saturday night formulas, with Strictly Come Dancing and The X Factor trundling slowly towards the first of their live shows. Ever since Autumn 2004 (yes, itÔÇÖs been that long!), thereÔÇÖs been a familiar page in the TV guide, as these two giants persistently battle it out in the ratings war.
However, itÔÇÖs not all sparkles and glamour, and thereÔÇÖs always a bit of controversy lurking in the wings. From Brendan ColeÔÇÖs tantrums to Frankie ÔÇ£CasanovaÔÇØ Cocozza, both shows revel in a touch of the sordid and continue to intrigue everyone with their unexpected dramas and backstage antics.
The ÔÇÿmusical chairsÔÇÖ game that the judging panel seemingly play is an endless source of both amusement and controversy. While CraigÔÇÖs ÔÇÿcha-chaÔÇÖs and LenÔÇÖs ÔÇÿSevvvennÔÇÖs have been permanent fixtures throughout StrictlyÔÇÖs history, itÔÇÖs been chop and change in that final seat ever since Arlene PhillipsÔÇÖ very public departure. Similarly, you never know whoÔÇÖs going to turn up on The X Factor, with Mel B, Rita Ora and Geri Halliwell all taking it in turns to cover for the main event: Nicole Scherzinger (whoÔÇÖs reportedly now facing the axe). No surprises there then.
So why is it so hard for the BBC and ITV to hold onto their female judges? All I want is for a panellist to sit still, settle into their role and be comparatively worthy of that grotesque paycheck. But the women just come and go as they please, and their hasty exit really says little for the producers or stars themselves, who simply give the impression of having the attention span of a gnat.
But itÔÇÖs these shock dismissals and replacements that set the British public alight. Ultimately, we just canÔÇÖt get enough of some dirty dealings, like Simon getting rid of Cheryl, or Kelly bitching with Tulisa, and above all, we love somebody to hate. Particularly if their outspokenness is unpredictable.
For instance, Benedict Cumberbatch, a thoroughly nice chap, recently described Downton Abbey as being ÔÇ£f****** atrociousÔÇØ. Now, IÔÇÖm sure a lot of my friends would agree, as I remember my housemate commenting on my channel choice with ÔÇ£God Rach, my Nan watches thisÔÇØ. However, CumberbatchÔÇÖs words were angrily received by a legion of Downton fans, who were quick to label him a ÔÇÿCumberbitch.ÔÇÖ
This ingenious nickname wouldnÔÇÖt have happened three years ago, as I remember my English teacher once telling us how sheÔÇÖd recognised him outside a West End theatre, where heÔÇÖd practically admitted that he was a nobody. Yet in 2012 and with two Sherlock series done and dusted, thatÔÇÖs all a bit ironic now.
HeÔÇÖs also since won an Olivier Award for his portrayal of Frankenstein on the London stage; a trophy that he had to share with co-star Jonny Lee Miller. They took it in turns to play the ultimate bad guy, whether you think thatÔÇÖs Frankenstein or the monster he created, in a greatly received adaption directed by OlympicsÔÇÖ mastermind Danny Boyle. Even Danny couldnÔÇÖt help but add a touch of the evil and macabre to his opening ceremony, with a gigantic Voldemort figure soaring up to the skies. In an attempt to reflect British literature, he could have chosen some prim and proper characters from Jane Austen or The Famous Five, but instead felt that our glorious country would be summed up best by the most threatening villains imaginable. Well, thatÔÇÖs reassuring.
So, with our obvious love of dark matters, itÔÇÖs no wonder that Tim Burton has revamped ShelleyÔÇÖs popular tale in the horrifically titled Frankenweenie. The film hits cinemas on October 12th and tells the story of Victor FrankensteinÔÇÖs pet dog Sparky, who dies and is then (excuse the pun) sparked back into life again by his loving master. Happily ever after? I donÔÇÖt think so.
Burton is the undisputed king of the odd and threatening, and adds an even more gothic tinge to proceedings with his use of black and white animation. On first glance, the film is let down by the title, but based on BurtonÔÇÖs previous films such as The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride, itÔÇÖs clear that thereÔÇÖs more to the tale than just adventure and talking animals. And although the director seems to have crossed Johnny Depp off his contact list, he nevertheless manages to enlist the help of old favourites Christopher Lee and Winona Ryder, who lend their vocal talents to the film.
Now, Winona is a talented actress and has starred in over 40 films, yet what do we all remember her for? Being naughty and shoplifting in 2001. It just goes to show how the public never tire of someone doing something bad, out of the ordinary or faintly rebellious. Whether itÔÇÖs deliberately breaking the law, speaking out of term, or controversially leaving a show, people love the drama. And the entertainment industry will exploit it for all its worth on the big screen, small screen and news headlines.