From joint ‘rope’ socials with the Cave Society to navigating online trolls, Aber KinkSoc President Alex talks to Quench Deputy Julia Bottoms about Aberystwyth’s very own kink society.
Ah, University – that cherished baptism into adulthood, an epoch of self-discovery and exploration, and perhaps regrettably for many, the most sexual freedom you will ever have. But in the charming seafront university town of Aberystwyth, students are exploring questions of self-identity and expression in slightly less conventional terms – through kink.
Conceived just last year, Aber KinkSoc welcomes students and non-students over 18, currently boasting over 130 members on Discord. The society explores kink as a means to navigate consent in a safe space, offering education and opportunities for socialisation around both sexual and non-sexual kinks.
Sitting down for a call with KinkSoc President Alex Molotska, I learned how the society was born almost by chance during ‘Shagweek’, the Student Union’s sexual health campaign. “Last year the SU had a kink educator do an hour-long talk, and someone jokingly said ‘Oh, you should start a society about this’. And I said, ‘Oh…Ok good point, I might!’”.
Responding with pithy quips is characteristic of Alex, whose calm and confident demeanor seems to radiate a palpable enthusiasm and instinctive eloquence. Indeed, under Alex’s leadership, the society has blossomed into a thriving community in just a few months.
Just how does one define ‘kink’? Alex explains that the society celebrates a generally fluid definition. “It’s hard to make just one definition because different communities define it differently, and it’s more of an understood concept than a defined word”. “I would say my definition of a kink is any kind of non-standard sexual practice or focus”. At the heart of the society is the championing of individual erotics and advocating for sexual agency. “Kink is not purely sexual. So those things can just be based on intimacy, or like sensory seeking for a lot of people”.
What stays with me from our conversation is Alex’s unwavering conscientiousness; at no point were the principles of education, inclusion and safety ever not at the forefront of our discussion. It is undoubtedly the society’s strict regulations that preserve its integrity as a safe and welcoming space. Rules and expectations are clearly set out by the ‘Memorandum of Understanding’ Alex tells me – a sacred rule-book of guidelines that can be enforced by committee members and the SU.
Central to the Memorandum is a strict prohibition of using the society as a dating or hookup network. “That’s not allowed because you’re coming into it with the mindset of oh, I want – I need to have something from somebody”. The society actively wards against facilitating a solely transactional space that risks opening doors to entitlement or exploitation. But surely, bringing together like-minded people in a safe space must elicit some kind of match-making capacity? “Yeah, if it happens, it happens. But just be an adult about it. Which I know sometimes feels a lot to ask of university students!”
Conversation leads us into a discussion about socials, “We’ve definitely had those come by freshers fair that are from American Football or something […] and they expect us to have orgies all the time” Alex chuckles.
“Most of the social stuff we do is very low-key. It’s supposed to be fun and low pressure”. Alex mentions a recent ‘Munch’ event held at a local Boba shop. “Munches are social gatherings for kinky people in non-kinky spaces, usually with food or drinks”. Socialising in a non-kinky space enables members to socialise without any kind of pressure. “We also did a joint social with the Caving Club because they are rope nerds and so are we. It was very fun. Everybody had a grand time”. Truly, the socials are an opportunity to explore multiple forms of bonding!
Despite fostering such a friendly community within the society, I can’t help but wonder if broader reception and reaction has been as positive. “I think surprisingly, the staff have been the most accepting compared to the student population”. Indeed, that much of the society interaction is mediated through Discord presents new challenges and avenues for misuse, as most of the backlash they receive is from online trolling. “It’s pretty much a full-time job having to keep an eye on the discord, making sure nobody’s being weird, especially during freshers”.
I’m treated to an anecdote about one particularly eloquent Discord troll who wrote an essay on the medical history of urethral catheters at 1am during freshers week. “Honestly, as annoying as batshit insane it was, I give credit where it’s due for the amount of research and time invested” Alex reflects, looking thoughtful. What makes it all worth it for Alex is providing a space for members to feel happy and safe. “I really do enjoy people coming to me with questions, and saying, ‘Oh that makes sense, thank you for answering that’”.
While kink is often shrouded in misconceptions that denigrate the practice, KinkSoc’s championing of curiosity and openness to learning makes the community a welcoming space. Though perhaps less-traditional in subject matter, AberSoc’s vibrant spirit renders it no different from any other university society.
Words by Julia Bottoms