Culture

Confidence on Campus

Culture Shock

Walking in to the world of University is almost comparable to a culture shock. Your life spins 180 degrees on it’s head while you meet new people and try new things. When I started at Cardiff I was hugely confident in my ability to make friends. Something I was very lucky to have persuaded myself of. However, I found myself alone more than I thought I would and, with this came the creeping, crippling anxiety of being percived “weirdly” on campus.

Part of the Norm

Nobody tells you about the part of University where you chose a different module to your friends on your course. Nobody tells you about the times you brave a 9am and nobody else does. Nor do they tell you about walking in to a lecture late when you are on your own. During these moments it is easy to feel like every eye is on you. That you are the only person in the history of the world EVER to be sat in a seminar room feeling completley out of place and unable to answer any questions.

Nobody tells you about this part because nobody wants to admit that they ever are alone on campus. It is important to remember that, despite what everyone says (or doesn’t say) – this is normal. It is part of university life. We are so used to being surrounded by people as a result of communal living that we start to rate our social success by how many people we are with.

In reality this type of thinking is totally incorrect. Sometimes being alone is the most effective or productive thing you can do for yourself – if and when you overcome that feeling of anxiety. Personally, I started not going to lectures if my friends weren’t, or spending money on uber to get back to halls rather than walk home on my own. These things are not sustainable or beneficial to anyone.

Harshest Critics

“Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself, dont ignore this critic but don’t give it more attention that it deserves” – Micheal Ian Black

A philosophy that is relevant in almost all aspects of life, but one that is especially useful in this context. Ask yourself, if you have ever seen someone alone on campus and thought anything of it or, of them. The answer is going to be no. So why do we feel as though people are critquing us for doing the same thing?

Everyone, at some point is alone around university. That is an indisputable fact. It is irrational for us the believe that when it comes to our turn, others are going to form negative opinions of us. It is ok to have those feelings, in a reasonable capacity. If you think that they are starting to interfere with your everyday life and stopping you from functioning as you should then you may be struggling with something a little deeper.

If this is the case, then you need to reach out to friends, family and the university services:

What can YOU do?

Managing, rationalising and controlling these feelings is easier said than done. There is no one checklist or tip that is going to fix those insecurities. However, there are some short term fixes that may help:

  • Headphones – listening to music can help you escape those intrusive thoughts, but also has been proven to create an internalised feeling of power (especially if there is a heavy bass – think ‘We Will Rock You’.
  • Make plans – If you know that you struggle being alone it can sometimes help to make this period of time finite. This will help stop your thought process spiralling to “I have no friends”. You can tell yourself “I cant wait to see them”. This is an easy way to tweak that mindset and prevent yourself from becoming self depreciating.
  • Act confident and nobody will question you
  • Make yourself busy -┬áGoing to a cafe and pulling out a book or an assigment is helpful. Not only are you able to distract yourself, but there is a good reason for you to be alone. This is a win win situation because getting work done means you have ┬áutilised your time alone without distractions.

A Process

There is no magic wand you can wave to become the most confident person on campus. It is a journey that does start from within yourself and stems from a lot of different causes or problems. Ultimatley however, we must remember that we judge ourselves far more than anyone else and that we are not alone in being alone.