You will often hear university described as the best years of your life, with social media in particular selling it as an exciting mix of packed nights out and effortless friendships. While it might seem like one long highlight reel on the outside, and for some students that is the case, for many other students the reality is very different.
For students with social anxiety, this myth can feel incredibly isolating. If you struggle to talk to new people or find social situations draining, it’s easy to feel like you’re already falling behind. When you only have a small circle of friends or are struggling to make them it can often feel like you’re not doing university in the right way, especially when everyone around you appears to be moving more forward than you feel you are and are in their large friendship groups. This aspect of university is specifically personal to me, as while I know those assumptions are often based on comparison rather than reality, it doesn’t stop the self-doubt that comes with it.
Loneliness is a side of university life rarely spoken about, with an unspoken fear that staying in while others go out means you’re wasting time and not living the full experience. Seeing people post on social media platforms such as uploading Instagram and Snapchat stories from nights out can often trigger feelings of missing out, even if it feels like the best option for you. This constant comparison of yourself with others around you can feel isolating, especially when it feels like everyone else is enjoying university exactly like how they’re supposed to.
Alongside these social pressures, academic expectations can add another layer of stress to the university experience. Balancing deadlines, exams and independent study can quickly become overwhelming, when it seems like others around you are managing it better than you are, especially alongside their constant going out. This struggle doesn’t always appear as complete burnout either, with a lack of motivation and quiet disengagement from friendships or the things you once enjoyed being a sign of it.
The idea of a “perfect” university experience is often misleading for many students, as not everyone will graduate with dozens of friends or constant memories of nights out. That’s okay. University shouldn’t be defined by how social you are but by resilience and learning to accept yourself without comparison to others. Letting go of expectations that are unrealistic for you allows space for an experience that may not be perfect, but still meaningful. After all, everyone experiences university differently and that’s perfectly okay: that’s exactly how it should be.
Words by: Alanah Blayney
University is often sold to us as an exciting period full of meeting new friends, gaining independence and personal growth. Let’s also not forget the vague promise for university to be the best years of our lives, I know that you have definitely heard that one before too. Social media in particular loves to romanticise student life; the nights out, the friendships, the idea of the “perfect student”. However, what often doesn’t get talked about as much are the less glamorous parts of the experience: academic burnout, loneliness, difficult friendships and the quiet anxiety that you’re not doing university properly.
It’s been a few years since I finished my undergraduate degree, but I remember feeling that pressure constantly. I stayed at home during my studies, which meant I felt like I had to try harder in other ways. If I wasn’t on campus all the time, then I felt I had to make up for it socially, otherwise I’d miss out on the friendships that others were gaining and that I was told would “last me a lifetime”. Balancing that pressure alongside deadlines and a weekend job was exhausting, but slowing down definitely felt like falling behind.
That fear hasn’t really gone away. If anything, it’s followed me into my Master’s. I’ve found myself often overcommitting to societies and opportunities because I don’t want to waste the experience this time around. The fear of missing out is still there, even if we don’t explicitly call it FOMO anymore. And unsurprisingly, overcommitting only ever leads to one outcome: burnout.
Burnout feels almost unavoidable when you’re constantly trying to balance deadlines, reading lists, work experience, paid work, and some expectation of fulfilling a social life as the cherry on top of the cake. For me personally, having to do all of this while managing ADHD often felt like an uphill climb. And while I haven’t experienced it myself, I’ve heard plenty of nightmarish stories from students who live with flatmates. Your first-year flat can shape everything, and second-year housing doesn’t automatically fix what went wrong. Being surrounded by people doesn’t necessarily always mean feeling connected to them, especially if you’re incompatible as housemates.
What I wish we talked about more is the idea that university doesn’t have to be perfect to be worthwhile. It doesn’t have to be the best years of your life. Struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing or ungrateful — it just means you’re human, trying to juggle far more than anyone really acknowledges. They’re right to say this period of your life will shape who you become, but you also have permission to set boundaries and step back when things get a little too much.
Words by: Megan Ingram-Jones
Featured image courtesy of Redd Francisco via Unsplash. No changes have been made to this image. Image license found here.
