Words by Tegan Davies
My ÔÇÿcoming out’ was a little bit sporadic ÔÇô it was always thrown into random conversation when I saw fit and felt safe enough. Becoming comfortable with my sexuality was something that took a lot of time ÔÇô I knew I liked girls from a very young age, always having school-girl crushes on my female peers in the same way I fancied the boys. I’d kiss my girl-friends as if it was seen as normal, and honestly did not realise that it was taboo until 2015, when Obama legalised same-sex marriage in the states. I was eleven at the time, and exposed to the harsh truth that no, this was not a right that was automatic, and instead was something portrayed as gross and unnatural.
Being picked on for being bisexual in a high school that taught me God hated me for it meant that teachers and general staff did not move quickly to protect me during my time as a student. I stood timid, whilst those with the power to put an end to the bullying watched from the side-lines because, in fairness, “Jesus wouldn’t have accepted it”.
When I came out to one of my friends in year 8, she stopped being friends with me almost immediately. At the time, I understood and accepted the shame she felt ÔÇô that she was being accused of being ÔÇÿone of them’ by associating herself with me. It was clear I had been outed to a group of girls from another school in my area which caused this rumour to spread. I never truly accepted that I wasn’t to blame until years later, when I realised that being shunned out for who you love is a form of discrimination.
My family, however, is one of many things I have been blessed with. My mum already knew, I think, and I told her during a car ride in 2017-ish, to which she was like, “yeah, cool, anyways” and continued our gossip about a girl I used to admire. Being as close as we are (I’m her only child, and daughter ÔÇô picture Gilmore Girls but better), I knew she would never judge me whatsoever, and that she will always love me regardless. My poor dad and step-mum were drunk when I slipped it into conversation ÔÇô although I genuinely didn’t realise I hadn’t said anything before ÔÇô and my dad gave me a big speech about how proud he was and how he was grateful I felt comfortable enough to share that part of me.
Other family, however, just sort of caught on. I realised that anyone who didn’t accept that part of me wasn’t worth my time. My granddad, a little old-fashioned in his ways, has been told quite a few times but never actually remembers, and that’s fine by me, as every time I mention it he’s like, “wow, okay, but I want great-grandkids still!”
Other friends, especially ones I’ve kept close to this day, have confessed that they either felt the same or were very happy for my confidence. One of the boys I used to hang out with in high school was full of questions ÔÇô genuine curiosity about this new, interesting revelation. I will never forget the acceptance I felt in that moment, regardless of the fact we no longer speak. My best friend is a lesbian, and most of my friendship group are in the community.
TLDR: I fancied Jade and Beck on Victorious as a kid, and it shows.
