Dating apps love to sell us a story of finding our soulmates using algorithms and prompts, as if finding the perfect partner is solely down to a matching of criteria. 

Through my years — yes, years — of being on and off dating sites, I’ve come to the conclusion that they are nothing more than glorified hookup sites. Sure, you get the odd happy ending with matches ending in marriages, but nearly every experience I’ve had has been soulless conversations and men looking for “short term fun”, as the lovely Tinder likes to label it. 

Despite all their marketing saying otherwise, dating apps have become synonymous with hookup culture. The place to find short term flings or one-night stands. More than that, they trick us into a false sense of choice, feeding into our FOMO (fear of missing out) and making us question whether we’re “settling”; and for people like myself, who struggle making connections online, they’re more often than not talking to brick walls. If I’ve taken anything away from my time on the apps, it’s probably the realisation that I need to always do something with my hands, even if it’s just mindlessly swiping left for ten to twenty minutes, the ultimate doom scroll…

So, maybe I’m not the target audience for these apps. I did enjoy them once, as alien as that sounds to my own ears (or eyes). I first joined Tinder when I was 19 years old, after the end of my first relationship, and was looking at what was out there. It initially felt good that people were interested in me, but I really struggled with conversation. Over the next decade, I’d try other apps like Bumble, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, and Match. Bumble was perhaps the best of them all and I’d found a date or two out of it. Rarely did they make a second date, but I grew in confidence over being myself and not trying to fit with what I thought dates expected from me. Still, I never had much success and the dead-end conversations, ghosting and unsolicited sexual messages made me a cynic in love. 

Is this really all that’s out there?

I will give it to Happn, an app that uses proximity to create matches, showing where exactly you crossed paths. My second relationship, which lasted 6 months, came from a match on there. You’d think that would change my mind about dating apps, but if anything, it proved to be an exception to the rule. You also might be thinking that maybe I’m the problem and trust me, I’ve had the very same thought. But when my friends have similar experiences and I read about so many others online, I truly believe this is an issue with the apps and maybe even a reflection of society itself. 

Has our idea of love and dating changed so much that it really is all done through a screen? Or has Hollywood sold us a story of a love that simply isn’t real where our expectations are too high?

By Megan Ingram-Jones

Featured image courtesy of Markus Winkler via Unsplash. No changes have been
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