I distinctly remember standing there awkwardly, AirPods in, staring at the weather app in hopes that my date would recognise me from the pictures on my Hinge profile. Three years later, this former stranger is my boyfriend. Many relate to the fantasy of meeting a charming stranger online and living happily ever after. Yet, despite warnings from our elders about ‘stranger danger,’ 53% of young adults still take that leap of faith (Forbes).
Here are some tips for navigating online dating, whether you are seeking a relationship or simply looking for something casual. For a best-case scenario, I recommend looking out for red flags, prioritising safety for in-person meetings and listening to general tips.
Red flags to watch out for when talking to people online:
Sexual explicitness:
Dating apps rely on displaying your intentions from the beginning. Subtle communication cues like photos and prompts are ways for people to attract potential matches. More explicit photos might signal confidence in your ‘goods’, but context is key. For example, a candid beach picture with friends may tell a different story than a risqué, faceless mirror selfie. So, before you post, consider the message your profile conveys and align it with your intentions.
Unfortunately, a promising match can quickly turn into OnlyFans without your consent, no matter how friendly the initial small talk may seem. If it does, simply block and report. This not only protects you, but it also prevents this behaviour from becoming the new normal for dating apps.
AI:
If it sounds like AI, it probably is. As if it were not already difficult to sift through the catfish profiles, artificial intelligence can pose a threat to simple interactions. Detecting possible ChatGPT vocabulary, both in profile descriptions and messages, is vital to knowing if the potential match is worth swiping left or right on.
Too comfortable, too soon?
For those who hate small talk, treating a potential admirer like someone you have known for a long time might seem like the best idea. However, things such as trauma-dumping are not ideal when getting to know someone and ultimately foster a deep connection. Remember that texting at the start is meant to be full of light banter, with in-person meetings as a way to build depth. Finally, pet names too early on can indicate disingenuousness and may rush a potential connection. If a premature pet name feels ‘icky’, it’s better to set boundaries by stating your preference to take it slow. Their reaction will tell you all you need to know about whether to pursue a potential relationship with them.
How to navigate safe in-person meetings:
Meeting someone in person for the first time? While you should know to share your location with your loved ones and not give away your personal information to strangers, here are four underrated tips to ensure that the first date is smooth sailing.
- Avoid travelling further than necessary. It is important to remember that you and your date are equals. Putting equal effort into seeing one another sets the right tone for the first meeting.
- Always carry protection, just in case. If you feel a connection strong enough to go back home with someone, you do not want to be let down at the last minute by not having contraceptives. One-night stands and casual encounters should be both safe and enjoyable for both parties.
- Avoid drinking more than necessary, even if a bit of liquid courage may help you loosen up. There is a small margin between using alcohol in moderation and having impaired judgement.
- Go somewhere you’ve been before or feel comfortable at. As you are strangers, picking the first date location should be a team effort. Or if you would like to keep it romantic, one party can offer suggestions, while the other makes the final call.
Last but not least, remember not to put too much pressure on the first in-person meeting. Some ways to soothe disappointment are to remind yourself that, all-in-all, they are a stranger. Listen to your gut. Whether you are looking for something casual or a relationship, using dating apps responsibly allows for connections to grow at the pace you want while allowing you to have fun!
Words by Phumelela Mazibuko
Featured image courtesy of Jakub Żerdzicki on Unsplash. No changes have been made to this image. Image licence found here.
