If you’ve fallen down any internet rabbit-hole then you’ve probably come across the wonderland of online lesbian discourse. If you have found this corner of the internet, you’ve probably come across a handful of stereotypes about sapphic people. So, let’s take a calm look at a few of the most common ones and unpack where these ideas have come from.

The man-hater stereotype:

Let’s start with the big one: this stereotype tends to pop up whenever someone can’t quite grasp that attraction to women isn’t secretly about rejecting men. Most sapphic people don’t spend their time seething and spitting about men. They’re living their lives, forming platonic and romantic relationships and navigating the world the same way everyone else does. However, it’s also true that many sapphic people are more aware of misogyny because they experience it in unique ways. Both people in the relationship can be victims of the system that exists which still limits women in many ways. But conversations about sexism, objectification and patriarchal structures aren’t about “hating men”, they’re about understanding how this system shapes everyone’s lives and the negative impact it has for all people.

The label stereotype:

There is an ever-expanding glossary of terms used in sapphic circles: femme, butch, soft butch, chapstick, stem, stud, etc. To someone on the outside, it might look like a lot. But labels aren’t about overcomplicating things. They’re about communication and properly seeing each other.

For many, labels provide a way to express identity, style and attraction in a world that hasn’t always made space for these nuances. They can help people find others and build bridges for those who share similar experiences or preferences. Historically, labels have played an important role for visibility. This is especially the case for marginalised groups, including black and trans individuals, whose identities have often been overlooked and still need to be protected.

At the same time, some people prefer to keep things simple and that’s just as valid. Labels aren’t strict categories, they are more like optional tools that can be useful for some, unnecessary for others. The important factor is choice. For sapphic people to choose whatever titles they want rather than having them decided upon by others.

The moving-too fast stereotype:

Lesbian comedians have been stocked up on material from this type of stereotype. Many people only ever heard of the term ‘U-Haul’ because of these stereotypes and jokes about lesbians. But it’s all a bit of a tongue-in-cheek way of describing the tendency for some sapphic relationships to get serious quickly.

There are a few reasons this stereotype exists. Emotional openness and communication are often highly valued in sapphic relationships, which can create a strong sense of connection early on. But who is to say that this is too fast? Why are we basing sapphic relationships on tendencies of straight ones? The dynamics between two women will be completely different from other relationships. People who are born female are often raised to prioritise emotional intimacy and caregiving. They also naturally emit much more oxytocin, which means they have a much stronger biological urge to attach.

Importantly, not every sapphic relationship follows this pattern. Some people take things slowly, others don’t. The stereotype sticks because it’s occasionally true. Not because it’s universal.

The “all lesbians are connected” stereotype:

Unfortunately, this stereotype is far from the truth. Most of the time, sapphic people feel isolated in the heteronormative and male-dominated spaces that make up society. This drives sapphics to make use of dating apps to try and build community, leading to huge online networks where everyone seems to know you and everyone you’ve ever dated. Despite this, there is still a huge demand for physical sapphic spaces.

It is so important to have conversations about the issues that queer people face. If you are sapphic and living in Cardiff, consider checking out Cardiff University’s Sapphic Society! They hold a range of events centred around sapphic culture and community. And next time you hear one of these stereotypes, consider the complexities that truly make up sapphic identities.

Words by Sophie Scott, Cardiff University Sapphic Society

Featured image courtesy of Camila Blando on Unsplash. No changes have been made to this image. Image licence here.