Outercourse is a word that most people havenÔÇÖt heard of ÔÇô itÔÇÖs a term used for sex without penetration. I remember asking my flatmates a couple of months ago: do you have sex without penetration? I was met with some judgement and a few harmless jokes, but thereÔÇÖs definitely a stigma surrounding the idea of penetration-less sex, which IÔÇÖve never really understood. I left with the feeling that I wasnÔÇÖt having ÔÇÿproperÔÇÖ sex. Sex has to involve penetration then, right? Wrong.
As a bisexual woman, IÔÇÖve found that outercourse is a great thing to try with partners of any gender ÔÇô and sometimes I find it genuinely more enjoyable than penetrative sex. Many people with vaginas, can struggle with reaching orgasm through penetrative intercourse, and thatÔÇÖs okay! Sex should be pleasurable for both involved. Outercourse includes kissing, mutual masturbation, using sex toys, oral sex, fingering, erotic massage, and anything else that doesnÔÇÖt include penetration. ItÔÇÖs easy to generalise outercourse as foreplay: everything but the sex part, but I think that diminishes the valid and important experiences that many of us have, and love.
Outercourse, sometimes also called outersex, allows you to be playful, experiment, and really understand what the other person enjoys; itÔÇÖs a great way to develop intimacy with your partner. I think weÔÇÖre so used to sex looking a certain way, especially with the influence of media (erotic films, literature and porn) but there is something special about making each other feel good without the end destination of penetration. Emily Nagoski is the author of the enormously popular Come as You Are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. She wrote ÔÇÿAn orgasmÔÇÖs value comes not from how it came to be or whether it meets some arbitrary criteria but from whether you liked it and wanted it.ÔÇÖ I think this is a vital message that we should all carry with us: sex doesnÔÇÖt need to look a certain way. Any, and all, sex is valid as long as both (or all) are enjoying it.
If we step away from the idea that ÔÇÿsex = penetrationÔÇÖ, we can explore so many new possibilities with sex, and discover different types of pleasure. ItÔÇÖs been said that people with vaginas can experience up to 11 types of orgasms (clitoral, g-spot, blended, nipple, clitoral, the list goes onÔǪ), each one bringing a unique sensation to the body. Outercourse is certainly a great way of discovering new ways of experiencing pleasure with a partner, with no expectation or pressure that sexual intercourse has to lead to penetration.
‘If we step away from the idea that ÔÇÿsex = penetrationÔÇÖ, we can explore so many new possibilities with sex, and discover different types of pleasure’
So really, sex is something that should be viewed as the entire experience, including anything and everything that creates sexual pleasure; it isnÔÇÖt only about the act of penetration
Zoe Lott
LetÔÇÖs be honest, itÔÇÖs hard to have good sex without foreplay. WeÔÇÖre so quick to get into the ÔÇ£main eventÔÇØ– which sometimes isnÔÇÖt even worthy of being the main event. So why donÔÇÖt we just make foreplay the main event? Many people write off non-penetrative sex as silly and childish, some think it is an activity just for people practicing abstinence. However, it can be extremely satisfying to people that ditched their V-card ages ago.
Outercourse is defined as ÔÇÿsexual activity between individuals that does not involve vaginal or anal intercourseÔÇÖ. Some people choose to use outercourse as a way to practice abstinence whilst still receiving sexual gratification, whereas for some people outercourse is the only thing they need to feel sexually satisified. It is completely down to personal preference.
In the mainstream media, we are typically only exposed to heterosexual portrayals of sex. However, there is not just one solid way that people have sex. LetÔÇÖs look at the LGBTQ+ community for example; some lesbian couples will have different sexual preferences than other lesbian couples do- some may choose to stick to oral and manual stimulation, whilst some may opt to use a strap-on for penetrative sex. Trans men that are in homosexual relationships will have different sexual experiences than cisgender men in homosexual relationships. Sex is beautiful because it is so abstract and diverse, it is not something that comes with rigid instructions on how to feel good.
There are so many benefits to engaging in outercourse, whether you are in a relationship or having casual sex. In general, it allows you to forget that there is a ÔÇ£goalÔÇØ in sex, enabling you to have fun and focus on the feelings and sensations that youÔÇÖre experiencing in the moment. Similarly, you have the opportunity to explore your partnerÔÇÖs body and find out what really makes them feel good (instead of basing your performance on what youÔÇÖve seen in porn). Also, in long term relationships, often a switch-up in routine is necessary to spice up your sex life. If getting frisky with your partner has started to feel like a chore, sometimes it can be beneficial to try new things and explore other ways you can make one another feel good.
In essence, outercourse isnÔÇÖt just something horny teenagers do. It can be an extremely fulfilling and satisfying experience for you to try out; and if itÔÇÖs not for you then thatÔÇÖs okay. ItÔÇÖs like I said, sex is beautiful because itÔÇÖs so individual, you just have to find what makes you feel good.
Laura May
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