This article should give some simple tips and templates for communicating with your partner effectively about different issues. How do you bring up an issue without worrying or upsetting them? What is the best way to ask them to listen to you?
One of the first lessons in communication that I remember took place upon the rug of my reception classroom, five years old cross legged, passing a beloved teddy between the alternating grip of small hands. IÔÇÖm sure youÔÇÖre familiar with it; the task that gives young children the permission to speak only when in possession of a mascot, and equally listen to others holding it. Fifteen years on, I am certain that whether five years old or fifty, a valuable moral can be found here. When there is a cluster of emotion surfacing around an issue, it is crucial to return to the relationship between communication and listening. When processing certain situations, it can be difficult to think about anything other than your own experience. Failed communication is undoubtedly bred among ears that are hearing to respond rather than listening to understand.
With this in mind, below is the best piece of advice I have ever gained on communication.
LetÔÇÖs Talk Terminology, the Use of the I:
When we are communicating our feelings, framing sentences with ÔÇÿIÔÇÖ rather than ÔÇÿyouÔÇÖ is particularly helpful. This shifts the tone of your concerns away from accusatory language and allows an insight into your personal perspective.
For example: where you may state ÔÇÿyouÔÇÖre so unreliable, you never let me know what we are doing until last minuteÔÇÖ, try instead ÔÇÿI feel much better when we are organised.ÔÇÖ
Here the root problem is still communicated without encouraging a defensive response. This sets the tone for healthy engagement and can profoundly alter the reception of your concern. Focusing on the ÔÇÿIÔÇÖ allows the other person both an insight into your issue and the opportunity to address their own behaviour without feeling attacked. WeÔÇÖre all only human but incorporating subtle changes such as these into our communication style can help live up to the clich├® of putting another in your shoes,facilitating understanding and resolution.
Words by Gabriella Sanders
