The Pornstar Penis is a Façade

By Craig Strachan

Porn can be a maze of so many unreliable truths and urban myths towards sex. The howling, the non-existent pubic hair, and of course the raw sexual energy of the plumbing and pizza delivery industries. Whilst many of these might become obvious to us later in life, a lot of us discover porn from an early age of adolescence where we wouldn’t know any of these tropes were anything but true.

One of these that sometimes gets swept under the casting couch, is penis size. Stemming from the toxic masculine failures of playgrounds and PE changing rooms, those with penises get told that anything but a dead straight 9-inch circumcised member makes you weird. Or it makes you too small, or it somehow makes you an inferior person. The question of fear; “Does size matter?” when answered by a 14-year-old boy at school is always, “yes” and if you can’t meet that expectation, you’re a joke.

But the fact that this very question exists and stays around proves to us behind the masculine façade it’s all false rumour masked in bravado. Porn star penises are not accurate portrayals of us all; and it’s ok that many of us aren’t like that. For one, a lot of these penises aren’t real. Penis enlargement surgery is common practice in an industry that benefits the larger size. But also, those penises never have the variety so common in life.

‘Porn star penises are not accurate portrayals of us all; and it’s ok that many of us aren’t like that. For one, a lot of these penises aren’t real’

For one they’re all straight as rulers. Most guys will lean one way or another, a hook left or right. And that’s ok, and often can be really good for sexual pleasure depending on your partner. The only caution I’d give is know your limits, if your penis points in a certain direction don’t attempt a position you’ve seen on Pornhub that’s going to damage yourself. Sex should be fun and safe. Don’t snap any banjo strings unless you’re in a country band.

Another misnomer about your member is that in porn they’re always hard, always erect. Firstly, we all have different bodies, and different kinks, so in any sexual encounter you might not be turned on straight away. And also, being more erect doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily more sexually attracted at that point than if you’re softer. It’s normal to have a loose erection during sex. And let’s be honest we all have different tolerances to alcohol, so if you’re drinking more or less that can affect your performance, and that’s ok. It’s not a slight on you or the person you’re sleeping with. Maybe it’s to do with those few extra shots of tequila you did for ‘Dutch courage’ at the bar, we’ve all been there.

‘It’s normal to have a loose erection during sex…maybe it’s to do with those few extra shots of tequila you did for ‘Dutch courage’ at the bar, we’ve all been there’

Then we get to the growers and showers. Porn tells us that people are either naturally big or they’re naturally small. It is not that simple. Some have smaller penises when flaccid that grow huge amounts and some have larger ones that won’t change lots; neither is better or worse than the other. The global average is a 5.5 inch erect penis. But that is not the be-all-and-end-all of size. A lot of this comes down to your sexual partners preferences. A lot of the time girth can be more important than length, or the shape or even down to simply being more attracted to that person. If the two of you get on and enjoy each other’s chemistry, the sex stuff can very easily all fall into place. Get to know them, in fact penetrative sex for a lot of people with vaginas isn’t what does it for them. Communication will clear up all the false narratives we’ve all seen in porn.

Pubic hair is a real weird one, for penises. This is how messed up porn has made us. When you’re going through puberty it’s almost a race; who will grow the first hairs down there. To get there first would make you a bigger man, an alpha-male or a proper lad. But then as you hit your late teens porn plays us an uno reverse card. Clean shaven as the way to go. Somehow, we get it warped in our heads that more hair is gross, that it’s unsanitary or it’s the sign of someone without an active sex life. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Pubic hair after all, is natural. Yes, you should make sure it’s washed the same way you wash any other body part, but it can also help safe sex. It acts as a cushion that makes sex more comfortable and reduces chaffing or even at times the risk of transmitting STI’s.

Again, check with your partner. If you’re on the same page, you can’t go wrong. And for god sake’s don’ take all your sex tips from Brazzers. Your academic source should not be a video starting with a few drumbeats and a symbol crash into Pornhub.

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