‘I was born in England, but my mum is from the Netherlands and my dad is Syrian.’ It is a sentence I’ve uttered countless times throughout my life. But the answer to the common small talk question ‘where are you from?’ was far from simple for me.
Born and raised in the UK until the age of 5, living in Aleppo for 2 years, and returning to the UK at age 7, the experience of being a third culture kid is so much more than birthright multilingualism and one that I am navigating to this day. Growing up, my British side came from the television I watched. CBeebies turned into CBBC and gave me something to talk about with my friends at school. The Netherlands was the destination of most vacations with the annual summer holiday spent bouncing between relatives around the country. Syria was most prominent in the food at home. My dad is a chef so naturally my sister and I grew up eating delicious meals based in Lebanese and Syrian cuisine.
Living in London for most of my life, I was constantly surrounded by a plethora of cultures. At school, in shops, and on the streets, the quintessential ‘melting pot’ of London was the perfect environment for somebody with multiple ethnic and cultural backgrounds.However it was never essential to disclose this, nor was it considered a defining characteristic of your identity. Where you were ‘from’ didn’t matter because everyone in London was from everywhere. Of course, it made making friends or getting to know people easier if you were from similar backgrounds, but it was never a make-or-break factor in relationships and understanding.
My mum always stressed the importance of my sister and me identifying with a British identity from a young age. In a recent conversation about this, she explained that she understood third culture kids struggled a lot more with forming identities. She worried we would feel out of place at school, so she deduced that identifying with a British identity would be best.
But I remember feeling confused about this. Why would I pick the UK? Just because I was born here? Or was it because I had lived here the longest? Why should I have to pick at all? In some Middle Eastern cultures, they classify the culture a child is tied to by where the father is from.
I think the most difficult thing about being a third culture kid comes from the feeling of being isolated. Not all third culture kids are built the same and I believe it depends very much on the stability of identity and the emphasis or efforts parents make to connecting their kids to a culture.
Nowadays, when faced with the question of where I’m from, I prefer to let people decide how they want to place me. I’ve come to realise everyone perceives background and origin differently and I have no problem with people making their own decisions. I know that in a few years how I feel about my identity will change again but for now, whilst I am regularly meeting new people and having to make the same first interactions, I don’t mind letting others decide.
In the meantime, for all you third-culture kids out there, I highly recommend you read this article , ‘Growing up Globally,’ which very simply lays out how identities and relationships can be affected by constant movement or weak links to a stable cultural background. Reading it felt like a mirror into the struggles I have experienced with my contested cultural identity.
Words by: Amber Al-Wafai
Featured image courtesy of Charlein Gracia via Unsplash. No changes have been made to this image. Image license found here.