During my first week of freshers, my flatmates and I decided to break that all-so-awkward tension by having our friend psychoanalyse us. I was the first one to be examined and since we had just met, he knew only two facts about me. First, I study English Lit, and second, I am in a long-distance relationship. From those two facts alone, he gave me a final prognosis that ÔÇ£I would end up cheating on my long-distance boyfriend within 2-3 months.ÔÇØ (Yes, I was just as shocked as you are, and no we are no longer friends).
DonÔÇÖt worry, I didnÔÇÖt cheat on my boyfriend, and we are coming up to our second anniversary! But with that, it seems that being in a long-distance relationship at university can stir up a lot of mixed opinions.
You have the classic and original ÔÇ£Why donÔÇÖt you just break up and have that Uni experience?ÔÇØ But having friends who are single and are active in that ÔÇÿUni experienceÔÇÖ. I would say that their situationships have just as many pros and cons as my LDR.
Just like any other relationship, long distance has its surprising benefits.
Speaking from experience, it can force you and your partner to have better communication, as this element means everything in a LDR. You must talk about your feelings in a more head-on way since you barely see them.
Though it can seem tempting to just ghost them after a heated argument, you have to consistently message your partner and check in on them, whether it be by Facetime, a good morning text or a call. Going that extra distance (pun intended) for your significant other, is what keeps a long-distance relationship going.
But where there are ups there must be downs. Not seeing your partner can be tough not just mentally, but sexually as well. Being in university most casual relationships are based on sex and there is always the intrusive thought that your partner could be cheating on you. However, if you do feel seriously worried about that, you should consider if this relationship is what is best for you. Having some concern is natural, but a solid relationship is based on trust. If you canÔÇÖt let your partner, go to the SU club without hyperventilating, it might be time for a good long think.
To end with some words of wisdom. Long-distance relationships can be difficult but so can any other relationship! So donÔÇÖt be deterred or compare yourself to other couples. Put in that extra effort and it will go a long way.
Words By Khate De Castillo
For as long as humans have existed, people have always missed other people. The raw humanity of craving somebody else is unlike any other emotion; even more so when it comes to love.
For the entirety of the two years that my boyfriend and I have been dating, we have never lived in the same town, city, or even country at various points. At surface level, this is nothing short of completely terrifying ÔÇô how can you be expected to form the kind of human connection we crave if we spend most of our time apart? However, when stepping back to think, I wouldnÔÇÖt have it any other way. The complete fundamentals of my relationship have been built on the foundations of distance, and that has provided me with so much knowledge about myself and what I want from life.
Being apart has allowed me to develop my own sense of self, for a start. As somebody with a definite anxious attachment style, IÔÇÖve found that in the past I feel pretty much nothing unless IÔÇÖm being perceived or defined by my partner ÔÇô that I need them to tell me who I am for me. But long-distance has totally changed that. I was forced into existing both as myself and as a girlfriend entirely separately, turning the fact I was in a relationship into something more like a fun fact about my character, as opposed to defining my whole personality. It wasnÔÇÖt easy by any means, and a lot of my evenings were made up of tears and self-doubt, but now when me and my partner have the privilege of seeing each other in person, IÔÇÖm no longer begging them to tell me who I am; I already know.
It’s obviously not all positive ÔÇô there will always be times when I wish my partner could share some more of my own life with me, especially the small mundane parts of it that IÔÇÖve never really had a chance to experience with him. However, the pure joy of being able to meet up with him after months away from each other continues to remind me how much I am in love ÔÇô for me, it feels like falling in love time and time again, and what feeling could be better than that?
ItÔÇÖs tough, but itÔÇÖs one of the most special things I have ever experienced.
Words By Katherine Dean
