This week on The Clinic, Michael and Steph talked about dealing with breakups while at uni and all the challenges surrounding it like coping with heartbreak, telling your friends and family, managing work and all the services the university provides.
Here are some of our most effective ways of surviving through a break up:
1. Talk to people: Most people will have experienced some form of heartbreak in their lifetime, so therefore will be able to sympathise and offer you some help and advice.
2. Don’t feel embarrassed: It is common to feel shame or even guilt when telling friends or family about a breakup but DON’T. They want the best for you, and will be grateful that you have shared it with them so they can do what they can to help.
3. Don’t worry about work: Often when a breakup is fresh, the last thing on your mind is work. If this is the case and your breakup is affecting your studies, you should email your tutor, who may suggest you apply for extenuating circumstances. Find out more about extenuating circumstances here.
4. Go at your own pace: Take things day by day by maybe writing a to-do-list to tick off throughout the day. Without your significant other, it will take a while to readjust to a new routine so take things slowly and eventually you will get back to your productive self.
5. Bad or good breakups, they are always hard: Even if someone has a good breakup, it is still difficult to get over someone, especially because you don’t necessarily want them out of your life. Allow yourself some space for a while, but don’t loose hope that you can’t get along again in the distant future.
6. What a time to be alone: Take this time to develop your sense of self; join a new society, start a new hobby, make some new friends. If you have been in a relationship for a while, it might be hard to imagine yourself without the other person. Now that you are by yourself, it’s a perfect opportunity to find out who you really are when you have no one else to worry about.
7. Self Care: Let yourself feel sad and don’t feel guilty if you don’t feel like being productive. Do things that cheer you up, like put on a soppy film, eat chocolate, go and see your friends, play video games or listen to music! If you guys have any other ways that you like to deal with breakups please let us know!
8. Don’t isolate yourself: As easy as it is to wallow in your sorrows and stay in bed, after you’ve taken some time to yourself go out and distract yourself by spending time with your friends. If you don’t feel like going out, try and get them to come join you and watch a film or have a board game night. Surround yourself with good people.
9. Focus on the future: Rather than thinking about the past, think about everything you have to look forward to- book a holiday with your friends, plan uplifting days out, organise a trip home to see your mum, go for a pizza with your housemates!
10. Numbing the pain is not an answer: Don’t turn to drugs or alcohol to distract yourself from your heartbreak. Repressing your feelings won’t help you move on healthily, so take your time, feel through the waves of sadness and go out and have fun when you feel happy to go out with your friends again!
Disclaimer: We are by no means professions, and are giving advice based on our own experiences and opinions on what we would do in these situations. If you feel affected by anything we talk about on our show, please seek extra help via the university’s services or counselling.
For more advice about breakups, look at the student intranet here.
“Ladies, We Need To Talk”
Gemma and Steph talked about what to do when you’re in a relationship after your friend has just gone through a break up.
A friend getting broken up with is always a tough situation to navigate, never mind if you still have a relationship of your own to maintain. It’s difficult to find a balance between helping your friend through their break up and spending time with your s/o. However, there are some simple things you can do to help your friend’s transition to single life as smooth as possible.
Firstly, do your best to not ignore your friend with they need you. If they’re struggling and need you around then reach out to your s/o and let them know you’re going to spend the weekend with your friend. If they’re an understanding boyfriend/girlfriend then they’ll see why you need to put your friend first for now. However, don’t let your friend use you as their only support network or distraction from the break-up. If they lean on you all the time and don’t spend time doing other things or on their own, then they’re probably not taking the time to process the break up properly, so make sure they take the time to do that.
It’s also important to make sure that when you do spend time with your friend you try not to ex-bash. It’s all too tempting to jump straight in to calling the ex foul things in an attempt to help your friend realise they’re better off without them. However, most of the time this doesn’t work. If the break up is fresh your friend will more than likely still have a deep emotional tie to this person so hearing negative things about them will just upset them. Let your friend come to terms with what’s happened in their own time, they’ll see the positives in the break up when they’re ready.
Read Gemma’s blog here:
Ladies, We Need To Talk