By Rhianna Hurren-Myers
It has been almost a month since Grace MillaneÔÇÖs killer was found guilty by a unanimous jury. Over the three-week trial, he had consistently denied murder, claiming she had died ÔÇ£accidentally during sexÔÇØ. On the night of her death, he had not called the emergency services. Instead, he took photos of her body, went on another date, and then buried her in a suitcase in a shallow grave. Grace was just months into her solo trip around the world after graduating, and went missing a day before her 22nd┬ábirthday.
The emotions around the world after her body had been found were total shock, mirrored by the Prime Minister of New Zealand who gave an emotional apology to GraceÔÇÖs family once the body was identified to be hers: ÔÇ£Your daughter should have been safe hereÔÇØ, she said in a press conference, holding back tears,┬áÔÇ£she wasnÔÇÖt, and IÔÇÖm sorry for thatÔÇØ.
Jacinda Ardern, the first female leader of New Zealand and the youngest female head of office at the time of her appointment, represents so much about how far the country has come. But GraceÔÇÖs death will serve as a symbolic reminder of how far we still have to go to ensure women are safe around the world.
For me, this last month has been a period of reflection. How could such a senseless murder like GraceÔÇÖs could happen in New Zealand? Not only a country close to our own in many ways, but also one that solo female travellers should feel safe to explore and are even actively encouraged to.
In so many ways, the result is as positive as we could have hoped for. This man will now face life behind bars. For me though, the nature of the trial has left me uncomfortable. It feels hideously unfair that we now know everything about Grace, but nothing about him.
We know she was a fan of ÔÇÖ50 shades of GreyÔÇÖ. We know she had previously asked her ex-boyfriend to choke her in bed. We know that her interest in BDSM (Bondage, Domination, and Sadomasochism) was at the ÔÇÿexplorative stageÔÇÖ, based on a statement given at Auckland High Court by a man she had briefly spoken to on a BDSM website.
We do not even know her killerÔÇÖs name.
Continuously sensationalised by the media, these facts about GraceÔÇÖs sexual past morphed into her total identity. Not only was she not there to challenge these statements made about her, but the entire defence of the accused was based around them. This is disturbingly similar to the logic of telling a woman who got raped that she deserved it due to the type of underwear she was wearing.
Grace is not the first woman to have her sexual past twisted and manipulated in court to the defendantÔÇÖs favour. Campaign Activists ÔÇÿWe canÔÇÖt consent to thisÔÇÖ have identified at least 59 women in the UK who have been killed by men who claim the death was a result of consensual rough sex.
Sally Cavender. Died with a fractured spine, multiple rib injuries and a hypoxic brain injury, with extensive bruising around her eyes, neck and arms. Her partner claimed she died as a result of ÔÇ£vigorous sexÔÇØ.
Denise Rosser. Murdered by her partner who told police her injuries were from the sex that they had the night before. She had called the police 11 times in 2 years to report domestic abuse.
Laura Huteson. Killed during what the judge described as ÔÇ£bizarre and violent sadomasochistic sexual activityÔÇØ.
In the last 5 years, the ÔÇÿsex game gone wrongÔÇÖ defence has been successful in 9 out of 18 killings that reached trial, with the prosecuted in each case found not guilty or receiving a manslaughter conviction. The problem spreads across the world ÔÇô ÔÇÿWe CanÔÇÖt Consent to ThisÔÇÖ have identified women killed and injured in Germany, Canada, Spain, Portugal, Mexico, Australia, Sweden, the United States. They have not found a single killed or injured man defended on the same grounds.
So long as victims of sexual violence are smeared and discredited because of their past choices and preferences, the more this rough sex defence will be used in court. But it is more than morally wrong to use a womanÔÇÖs sexual history as a defence, it is also dangerous. For too long women around the world have faced devastating consequences for stepping forward to report their experiences of sexual harassment, rape, and abuse for fear they wonÔÇÖt be believed or will be scrutinised by the media around the world.
None of these women consented to die.
The narrative surrounding women within political or media rhetoric┬áhas┬áto change, we know this, but as stands there are zero policies in place to protect young girls like Grace Millane. Grazia magazine and We CanÔÇÖt Consent to This are pushing our MPs to change the law surrounding the ÔÇÿrough sexÔÇÖ defence. Alongside MP Harriet Harman, they are campaigning for a return of the Domestic Abuse Bill, which would not allow a man to claim as a defence that a woman consented to the violence that led to her death. They need our support.
Grace is not here to defend herself, but we are. Sign the petition here.